Fix You
by Kaits1789
Summary: Sequel to NOT A DAY GOES BY. As Olivia fights to have her rapist thrown in jail, it's obvious the healing process will take longer than anyone thought. Sometimes, people just have to let themselves depend on others for help.
1. I Still Cry

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Here is the sequel to _Not a Day Goes By. _So many people said they'd read it that I went ahead and posted it. I hope people see it. I really do. If you haven't read _Not a Day Goes By, _I strongly urge you to do so in order to understand everything. If you want to go ahead and read this without reading that one, here's what you need to know: Olivia was raped by Kevin Macedo, however, when she reported it, she couldn't identify him because she didn't know his last name. Casey and Elliot helped her to heal – dealing with the fears, the blame, and (eventually) the eating disorder that came from it. The entire squad was instrumental in the process, which was not finished in any way at the end of that story. When a woman in Brooklyn was raped and the DNA matched that of Liv's rape kit, she was able to positively ID him in a line up, Elliot got in a few well placed physical attacks, and then they eventually kissed (Liv's doing) and it ended with Olivia, Casey, and Elliot in a hug. Those, my friends, are the basics. Like I said, READ IT! This whole thing will make more sense.

All right. Thank you for putting up with that.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 1: I Still Cry**

* * *

It had been one month and three days since she had identified her rapist at the Brooklyn special victims unit. It had been two months and seven days since she had been raped. It had been nearly three months since she had felt _truly _happy, and it had been even longer than that since she had healthy sexual relations. While her entire squad knew that she and Elliot were a couple, it was less than obvious the majority of the time. 

It was obvious that Olivia Benson had made very few steps in the healing process.

She had sold her apartment shortly after Kevin Macedo posted bail and had been splitting her time between Casey Novak's apartment and Elliot Stabler's place of residence. She hadn't slept alone since the day she had last seen her rapist, and it was obvious that she was continuing to lose weight and was still ordered to visit George Huang at least once a week, but she generally made two visits.

Her nights were invaded by tormenting nightmares which woke whoever was with her and commonly resulted in many hours of tears. There were too many sleepless nights for Elliot and Casey as they tried to convince their friend that she was completely safe. The few times she had gotten full nights of sleep were nights when she had gone so long without real rest that she collapsed from utter exhaustion. Those evenings were blessings in disguise – moments when Novak and Stabler could drop their strong facades and shed tears of pain and loss. Never before had so many people been so worried about this one person.

Olivia had been back at work for the past month, but she wouldn't walk into an interrogation without Elliot by her side. She often had to excuse herself in the middle of an interview. Exceptions were being made, but at times Elliot wanted to trade her in for a new partner. Watching her back was tedious, and while he was willing to give her the support she needed to regain her comfort in the line of duty, he had a job to do too. She was jeopardizing his performance. Still, Stabler would never tell her that, he would never let her know, and he was determined that, with the right assistance, his partner would be back to her typical standard in no time.

The next day would be the beginning of the trial against Macedo. Benson had been waiting for that event, building up to it, for over a month. She had been trying to convince herself that testifying and admitting that she was raped to a room full of people wouldn't kill her. Elliot would be there. Casey would be there. Assistant District Attorney Proctor would be prosecuting. And while she was ready with the facts and knew to tell her story, the special victims detective was scared of breaking. For some reason, Benson was convinced she couldn't do it. That scared her.

Elliot looked up from his desk, watching Olivia intently as she fiddled with a pen between her fingers. He cautiously cleared his throat, hoping to catch her attention. As her brown eyes shot up to look into his brown ones, she relaxed realizing it had only been her partner. For a month, Olivia had been certain Macedo was at every street corner, in every store, and was following her every move. She had refused to go out into public alone, but as long as she had someone next to her, she could manage.

Sighing gently at her frightened demeanor, Stabler spoke up, "It's late. We should go, you have an early morning tomorrow."

Looking away from him, Benson nodded. She ran a hand through her brown locks and rose from her chair slowly, putting the mess of papers that covered her desk back into a file folder. When she verbally responded to her partner, he had to lean in to hear her, "You're taking me to Casey's, right?"

Elliot nodded as he grabbed her hand and led her from the bull pen, offering a slight wave to Munch as they disappeared. They're contact only broke when Stabler was required to walk to the opposite side of the vehicle to enter it. As soon as he was driving, Olivia pulled his hand away from the steering wheel and gently laced her fingers with his. He didn't understand it, but that simple form of contact was more soothing to her than anything else. They pulled up outside of Novak's apartment and Elliot walked Olivia inside. He and Casey exchanged pleasantries as Olivia showered. She took an unusually long time before emerging from the restroom in sweatpants and one of Elliot's hooded sweatshirts. She walked over to her friends, who had taken a seat on the couch, squished into the middle of them and rested her head on Elliot's shoulder.

Gently, he played with her still wet hair as she nuzzled her head into his body, effectively allowing a residual wet spot to form on his yellow dress shirt. Casey flipped through the channels on the television until she settled on some game show, and the three remained together for about an hour. Olivia's eyes were slowly beginning to close and her body was slipping lower. Within minutes, her head was in Elliot's lap and her legs were pulled up to her chest. Stabler continued to play with her hair in a caring manner. Casey glanced at him before speaking in hushed tones, "Why isn't she getting better?"

"I wish I could tell you," he answered solemnly. If the truth were to be told, Olivia had improved. Still, she wasn't back to her old self, and while he knew it would take time, part of him was also aware that she would never be the same Olivia he had once known. Cautiously, he added onto his answer, "She still kisses me - sweet, soft, short kisses. The few times we've even _tried _to take it further, she's a very willing participant, but I break away because it's obvious her mind is elsewhere. I think she associates me with him."

"Not intentionally," Casey assured him.

Elliot scuffed, "I know, but that doesn't change the fact that it hurts. I don't know what to do for her anymore."

"None of us do," the ADA whispered as she stood up. "I'm hitting the sack, stay as long as you'd like, but if you do leave, cover her up for me. I'll check on her periodically and make sure we're at the courthouse on time. You do have to go eventually, though. You need to shower and change."

Letting out a roar of a yawn, Stabler nodded. Novak gently kissed Olivia's forehead and smoothed her hair before offering a peck on Elliot's cheek. She took a moment to stand in her living room, pulling her sweatshirt closer to her thin frame as she struggled with the changes that had occurred in the last month. She then padded off to her bedroom, leaving the door open in order to hear any commotion that was bound to transpire during the night. Turning out her lights, she allowed her eyes to shut and sleep to overtake her.

* * *

When Casey woke the next morning, she glanced around, realizing that she had –for the first time in a long time – managed to sleep the entire night through. Knowing that the state her friend had been in the night before was likely to be a sign as to a restful night, she quickly stood up, grabbed a robe, wrapped it tightly around her body, and stepped into the living room. Her brown haired friend was sipping on a cup of what she figured would be tea – it had been Benson's drink of choice lately. Elliot, however, was no where in sight. 

Novak silently sat by her friend, "You all right?"

"I woke up a few times during the night, but El was there," Olivia muttered. "Around four, I knew I wouldn't fall back to sleep so I sent him home to get a few hours of rest, shower, and he'll meet us at the courthouse at nine. I've already showered, just need to change. You should get ready."

"That," Casey replied, "is all fine and dandy. You didn't answer my question, though. Are you all right?"

"I'm scared half out of my mind," Benson replied, running her free hand through her hair, "but if I can get through today, then it's all over, right?"

While the ADA desperately wanted to give her friend hope that all she had left to do was see her attacker one final time, Casey knew that was far from the truth. Olivia still had months of healing to go through. The detective still refused food half of the time, often refused to talk about her problems, and the entire squad knew that she was no where near being the woman they had all known. Taking a deep breath, Novak spoke gently, "This part will be. You won't have to see him anymore, but just because the trial will be over, that doesn't mean it just disappears."

"It will," the brown eyed woman answered defiantly. She took another sip of her tea, "I'll make it go away."

Casey didn't say a word, trying to remind herself that Olivia simply had to live in her illusion until she could handle it. Knowing they were in for a long day, she rose from the couch and glanced at her friend, "I'm going to shower."

"Fine."

"If you need anything just holler," Casey reminded Benson.

"Yeah."

Feeling a bit defeated, Novak took a warm shower. When she emerged from the bathroom with straight, dry hair and a fuzzy robe enveloping her, she noted that Olivia was dressed in a professional black suit with a light blue sweater beneath it. She smiled at her friend who shrugged.

Casey sighed at Olivia's indifference, "I'll change and then we should leave."

"Whenever you're ready," Benson muttered.

Novak changed in record speed and the two left the house. The journey to the courthouse was silent. As they sat on a bench outside of the doors, Elliot slowly approached them. He looked exhausted, but that didn't stop him from gently kissing his girlfriend's cheek. She flinched away, but grabbed his hand nonetheless. Elliot glanced at Casey, silently asking for a status update. The ADA spoke cautiously, "Opening arguments have started; Olivia's the second witness."

"Who's first," Elliot questioned.

Casey motioned to a young woman with red hair standing alone and spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper, "The other victim."

Olivia pulled back and rested against the back of the bench as she noticed the other woman. Her right wrist was still encased in a molded cast and the look of fear that crossed the red-haired woman's slender face brought a wave of guilt upon the female detective. She gently pulled her hand from Elliot's larger one and looked down at him, "I'll be back."

He nodded, but it went without being seen as walked to the other woman. Slowly, Benson spoke, "I'm sorry."

The woman jumped, "Who are you?"

"Olivia Benson," she outstretched her hand in a basic greeting. "The reason you were...well," the sentence trailed off.

"Oh," the red head woman muttered, accepting the greeting with a firm grasp. "Lisa Lassen. This wasn't your fault, you know."

Benson offered a gentle smile and shrugged, "Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." The detective took a moment to breathe before continuing, "I also want you to know that I think it's amazing that you reported it. Thank you for getting him off of the streets. Thanks for being the woman that was able to stop him."

Pulling the fragile detective into a gentle embrace, Lisa whispered into her ear, "Thank you for trying. I know it's hard to believe, but thanks to your report, he'll be in there twice as long. It may not seem like much to you, but it means the world to me."

The two pulled away as a bailiff stuck his head out of the door and called for Lassen to enter the room. Olivia nodded to her as she walked away. Slowly, the brown haired detective made her way back to the bench and sat back down. Elliot wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "I take it that was helpful."

Olivia nodded, "Very."

The three sat in silence until Lassen was escorted out of the room. Her face was paler than when she had entered and her entire demeanor had changed in the hour and a half she had spent behind those doors. The bailiff's head appeared once more, "Detective Olivia Benson."

Standing with Elliot's help, Olivia nodded shortly, "That would be me."

Casey hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "Tell the truth, don't look at him, and, if you have to, look at me and tell _me. _We'll be in there, Fin, Munch, and Cragen are already there, and you can_not _be hurt. You'll do great."

Elliot pulled her into a loving embrace, nothing more needing to be said. As she broke away, the bailiff cleared his throat. Novak offered a glare that could kill and Olivia followed him. He escorted her to the front and she was sworn in. She took a seat and looked directly at ADA Proctor, whose eyes spoke volumes in an attempt to promise her safety. Benson offered another nod and the questioning began.

He established her location on the night of the attack. He prompted for a retelling of the entire story, asking questions for clarity when need be. He saw her eyes locked with Novak's, but made no effort to distract the contact, knowing it was the only way she would finish her testimony. As she finished her story, Proctor nodded, proud of her ability to maintain her composure. It was obvious that she was struggling, but she had managed to get through the story.

"Detective Benson, did you consent to having sexual intercourse, orally _or _vaginally, with Mr. Macedo that night?"

"No," she answered confidently.

"Now, were you forced to have sexual intercourse by Mr. Macedo that night?"

"Yes," she answered. Her tough exterior was fading away as she stared directly at Casey.

"Did you want to have sex with the defendant?"

A tear escaped from her eye and rolled gently down her cheek. Slowly, she opened her mouth to answer the question, "No."

Casey nodded, trying to silently convey her pride to Olivia. Proctor nodded, muttered his thanks, and took his seat. Trevor Langan, for the defense, jumped up to begin his inquiry. He moved in front of her, posing questions that managed to discredit her story. Benson, though obviously torn between fear and anguish, continued to answer the questions truthfully. Her eyes, however, were slowly moving away from Novak's. While the ADA was a bit alarmed by that, she assumed her friend just needed to look away for a moment.

Benson scanned the jurors, Langan, Elliot, her other coworkers, and, finally, she let her eyes linger on the face of Macedo. She stared, ignoring anything else in the room, as her brown eyes rested on his green ones. She wanted to cry. She yearned to hit, kick, scream, to get away. Yet, she was frozen. Proctor stood up slowly, Trevor stopped in his tracks, and Elliot watched in fear, praying that Olivia would look away, answer the question, and be done with it all.

"Detective Benson," a female voice was calling out to her. She shook her head and looked away, trying to clear all of the memories from her head. She glanced up to see Judge Petrovsky looking at her kindly, "Detective, please answer the question."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, voice barely audible. "Could you repeat the question?"

"You'll need to speak up," the judge ordered.

"Please repeat the question," the detective repeated, her voice only a bit louder than it had been when she had made her prior comment.

Trevor nodded, "Detective, did you, at any time in the night, imply in any way that you may be interested in having sexual relations with my client?"

Olivia thought for a moment, "I may have." Trevor nodded, ready to seat himself, but she spoke again, her voice shaking and eyes swimming with pools of tears, "But that did _not _give your client the right to force me to have sex after I said no. I've never fought harder in my life to stop something, Counselor, and that should have been enough to stop him."

Langan bowed his head, knowing full well that the witness was correct. He thanked Benson and the court before sitting down. Petrovsky dismissed the witness and Olivia walked as quickly as she could from the room. Elliot and Casey followed as the door shut. They saw her find a corner, stand there for a moment, and then sink to the floor, hugging her knees to chest, head down, and shaking.

As a team, the two approached her. Elliot knelt before her as Casey stood behind him. He put his hands on his knees and whispered soothing words as Olivia struggled to calm herself. She looked up, tears still swimming in her eyes that she was refusing to let fall. Elliot's heart broke as she whispered to him, "I can't do it anymore."

"Can't do what," he questioned.

Olivia replied monotonously, "I can't keep pretending that it never happened."

Casey sighed softly, knowing the day would come when her best friend finally broke. Elliot hung his head, not knowing what to say. Casey pulled Olivia into a standing position and started to walk out of the courthouse, Elliot followed close behind. They finally stopped at a bench in a park across the street. Novak lowered Benson onto the bench and let her cry. She shrugged away all human contact.

Her friends watched and waited, knowing that there was nothing more they could do until Olivia would let someone fix her.

* * *

A/N: HORRIBLE. I know. But I got something out. Please review…please let me know what you think…otherwise, I will have no motivation to finish this. 


	2. Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! It makes me smile…and therefore I write more. I apologize for the long wait – I had an Honors Colloquium at a potential college on the 15th & 16th of June. Then we celebrated Father's Day that Saturday night because I left bright and early Sunday the 17th for a 3 day leadership conference for NoLimits – a youth-led movement against big tobacco. I have been BUSY. But I'm back…and writing…so here we go.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 2: Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off**

* * *

Eventually, Olivia's tears subsided. Elliot sat next to her, preparing to pull her into a caring embrace, but she refused to let him touch her. She jumped up and backed away from both him and Casey. 

"Liv," he whispered, reaching his hand out to her. She shook her head, instinctively reaching toward her gun. Elliot backed away, "I won't hurt you. I promise."

"Shut up," Olivia muttered. "Just let me be."

Casey took in a deep, shuddering breath. Elliot looked at the ADA, trying to silently calm her. He knew Olivia wouldn't do anything to either one of them, she was just scared. When neither one attempted to stop her, she walked past them quickly and down the street. Novak made to follow, but Stabler held out an arm, stopping the woman in her tracks.

"We can't just let her run away," Casey argued.

"She needs time," he answered somberly. "She'll call when she's ready. We just have to pick up the pieces."

Casey shook her head, "I'm sick of picking up the pieces. I can't keep doing this."

Elliot sighed softly, knowing that the woman standing before him was right. While he loved Benson, and wanted nothing more than for her to feel safe and recover from the horrors of her past, there were days when it was all too much. She had lost everything and turned to her friends to help her get it back. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know what else to do.

Running her hands through her hair, Novak started walking away. Elliot sighed, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go ensure that Proctor doesn't destroy this case," Casey answered. Elliot's face went from one of security to that of fear and worry. Realizing that her words had bothered him, she quickly explained herself, "Not that he would, I just feel better knowing that I've seen the remainder of this. It will run into tomorrow as well. Why don't you go sleep?"

Thinking over her suggestion, Elliot slowly nodded, "If she calls you, will you let me know?"

"Only if you do the same for me," Casey answered.

"Of course."

The two walked across the street. Stabler turned to go to his car while Casey walked into the large building. Neither one said anything else, but both knew that they were bound to experience another long night.

Stabler made it to his apartment, where he had quickly showered, changed into flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, and allowed himself to fall into his bed, falling into a calm, deep slumber before he even had a chance to pull down the covers. Nothing disturbed him until he woke to the shrill ring from his cell phone. Reaching to grab it, he groggily answered, "Stabler."

"Elliot," a voice whispered from the other end of the line.

Quickly registering where he knew the feminine call from, he sat up, glancing at the clock to find that it was nearly two thirty in the morning, "Hey, where are you?"

"A bar," She muttered. "I think I might be a wee bit drunk."

"A wee bit," he muttered, hearing the slurring and stuttering in her voice. "What bar?"

"Uh," the voice moaned, "I don't know. But they have the most amazing mixed drinks ever. And the bartender is rather cute."

He listened as she rambled about the bar in a drunken stupor and felt his insides tear themselves to shreds as she talked about a cute man. Quickly changing into jeans, he told Olivia to the bartender on the phone, "What bar is she at?"

"Subway Inn, you know where it is?"

"Yeah," Elliot answered as he picked up his keys. "I'll be there soon. Don't give her anything else, and if she orders something…give her Sprite."

"No problem, Man."

The line went dead as Elliot pulled out of the driveway. He was shocked to receive that call from Olivia – her main concern in dealing with the rape was not to handle it like her mother did. She had yet to turn to alcohol as a way to unwind and forget, but this seemed to be the breaking point. Stabler tried to chalk up the reaction to her encounter with Macedo, but he knew it was more. He could assume that the drinking was a result of two months of bottled up emotions that were finally coming out. Concerned, he decided to approach the topic the next day in a desire to help his best friend.

When he arrived at the bar, his first step was to illegally park as close to the door as possible, knowing that he could make the ticket disappear later if need be. He walked inside and glanced at the man handing Olivia another drink, something that appeared to be a light colored soda. Silently, he thanked whatever gods there may be that the man had listened to his request and stopped providing alcohol. Looking Olivia over slowly, he noted that her hair had fallen flat and her clothing was disheveled. A different man was sitting next to her as she was speaking to him intently, gently playing with his hands and the hem of his shirt every so often. Stabler shook his head and walked quickly over to his girlfriend, where he threw some money on the bar and glanced at the blonde haired, blue eyed man serving drinks, "Does that cover it?"

The bartender counted the money and nodded appreciatively. Olivia looked at Elliot and jumped off of her stool, sensually kissing the man she'd been speaking with before approaching Stabler and lacing her hand with his. He didn't pull away directly, but noticed her obvious lack of balance. Feeling hurt by her actions, he pulled her from the bar as quickly as he could, settled her into his illegally parked vehicle, and entered the driver's side before pulling it into drive.

Benson spoke very little as he pulled away from the curb. Elliot glanced her direction every so often. Her face was resting against the cool glass of the window and her eyes were slowly drooping shut. He yearned to get the image of his girlfriend kissing a different man out of his mind, but it wouldn't disappear. Slowly, he began speaking to her, "Why'd you go drink?"

"Wanted to forget," she moaned painfully.

"You could have called me before it got to that point," he whispered.

"I put you through too much. Sorry."

Elliot sighed as he waited behind a red light, "I don't care about that. I'm too busy worrying about you."

Olivia sat back in her seat as Elliot pulled forward when the traffic signal turned green. They waited in silence until he caught her lean forward out of the corner of his eye. Wondering if she was okay, he spoke again, "What's wrong?"

"Gonna be-" Olivia started, but her voice cut off before the final words could escape her lips. The next sounds he could comprehend were those of her stomach disagreeing with its contents and emptying onto her shoes and the floor of his car. Pulling a hand away from the steering wheel, he carefully pulled her hair back from her face as the only comfort he could offer until he found a spot to pull to the side of the road. He waited it out as she consistently emptied her digestive system through an open door and discarded her shoes with someone's trash. Allowing himself to feel sorry for his girlfriend, Stabler sat with her, rubbing her back until she had cleared all of the contents from her system and the remainder of her violent illness had been reduced to dry heaves.

Pulling her legs back into the vehicle and trying to avoid the vomit that rested against the carpeted bottom of the car, she muttered a sorry as Elliot turned the vehicle back on. They rode in silence for the remainder of the journey, Stabler deciding how best to help her, and Benson slowly falling into a fitful sleep. As soon as he parked, he got out of the car and gently shut the door to the driver's side so it didn't wake the brown haired woman in the seat next to him. As Stabler rounded the vehicle, he pulled open her door and gently scooped her light, frail body into his arms. She woke with a start and he whispered soothing words, identifying himself. Olivia reacted to his voice, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder and her body to relax in his sturdy arms. Carrying her through the door to his complex and maneuvering carefully up the stairs, he managed to arrive at the door, unlock it, and enter the apartment without having to break their close contact.

Gently placing her on the bed in his room, he handed her clothing to rest in. Elliot stepped toward the door to give her opportunity to change, "I'm going to the kitchen for a second, I'll be right back."

Olivia nodded. Her eyes were bloodshot and her mind had yet to fully comprehend the situation she was in. While she was changing, Stabler walked to the kitchen and retrieved two aspirin and a glass of ice water. He rapped gently on the door before entering and was greeted with a grunt. Assuming that she was decent, he opened the door. After he set the cup of water on the end table closest to Benson, he grabbed her hand and gently placed the two tablets in it.

"Take them now," he instructed. "Hopefully they'll help in fending off your hangover."

Without thought, the female detective swallowed the pills with a few sips of water. She, however, still felt nauseous and quickly pulled down the covers to curl up beneath them. Elliot dressed in the pajama pants he had been wearing and left the room long enough to call Novak and inform her that Olivia was safe. When his charge sat up as he left the room, Stabler quickly eased her fears by saying he'd return shortly.

After telling the ADA that Olivia was safe but would have a horrific hangover in the morning, he went back into his bedroom, crawled into bed with his girlfriend, and waited for her to make the next move.

Olivia slowly rolled onto her side so their faces met in the middle of the bed. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him gently; Elliot noted the taste of alcohol that lingered on her breath and closed his eyes to clear the thought. Yet, the image of Olivia's lips capturing those of a random man in a bar kept appearing. He pulled away from her, grabbed a blanket from his closet, and made a bed on the couch. Olivia followed, but he shrugged her off, refusing to deal with her in that moment.

Defeated, Benson returned to the bedroom and silently cried herself to sleep, hoping and praying that when she woke up, the love of her life would speak to her again. Despite her attempts to quiet her sobs, Elliot heard each and every heart wrenching sniffle. He wanted to go hold her. He longed to tell her that he wasn't mad, just hurt. Stabler, however, wouldn't give into that urge. Sometimes, people were required to fend for themselves, and this would have to be one of those nights – for both of them.

* * *

A/N: This was really short, I won't lie. But I wanted her destructive behavior to come out and then I wanted to go to sleep because I have school tomorrow morning. I don't particularly like it...and I feel bad for Liv because Elliot's pissed...but I feel bad for El. I'm scared I did this to Jackson while I was healing, and I think, at some point, most rape survivors do push away the people who want most to help. Olivia needs control, and part of the way she's been finding (from _Not a Day Goes By_) is through her control of food intake, but that may not be enough...Please review, though…because I really want to know if you liked it. 


	3. One Step Up

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Again, thank you for all of the wonderful reviews…the more I get, the more motivated I am to keep working on this. Seriously. I mean, I was driving home from summer school today and _Holy Water _by Big & Rich came on the radio…and the only two songs I really like by them are _Holy Water _and _8__th__ of November_. Anyways…I heard _Holy Water _and I was just like, "Wow…this is exactly how I feel…what I long for." I fell in love with it…so that's my mindset as I start this…and I don't know that it would be Liv's, but we're gonna say it is, because I don't think I could write it differently.

**Also, **someone asked me if I was still using the names of songs to title chapters, the answer is, most definitely yes! A lot of television shows use that idea, and generally, the song title is a song I heard while or before writing the chapter. For example, the title of this story (**Fix You**) is by Coldplay. It's a great song. _Tequila Makes her Clothes Fall Off _is a song by Joe Nichols…and I heard it shortly before deciding to have Liv go off and drink a whole hell of a lot and drop her inhibitions so she could kiss some random guy that wasn't Elliot. Trust me when I say she would have done a _lot _more than that last night if he hadn't stopped her – twice. If you'd like, I could cite the song prior to the chapter in an A/N. Someone let me know.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 3: One Step Up**

* * *

Rest was an unfound amenity for both Olivia and Elliot. Crying the entire night through, Olivia had kept her partner awake and forbid herself from closing her eyes and giving way to the tiredness that threatened to overcome her. Eventually, Stabler's guilt got the best of him. He walked slowly into his bedroom without thinking, crawled into his bed, pulled Olivia close to him, and molded their bodies together. He kissed her neck as tenderly as possible, whispering that he loved her and wasn't mad. 

Olivia had fallen into the embrace, her tears never subsiding. After she had cried to the time when her body was no longer capable of producing the salty tears, she rolled over to face the man who was offering comfort she clearly did not deserve. She kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back to watch his reaction. While his face remained blank, his eyes spoke volumes. Fear and love was showing through his touch exterior. She looked away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered gently.

"Don't ever do that again," he reprimanded, but managed to keep his voice calm and caring. "I was so worried about you."

Benson nodded warily, "I don't even remember what happened."

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

"Telling you to leave me alone in the park," she answered. "Then I left, I remember getting to the bar, and then I don't remember anything until you were mad at me for something I couldn't remember doing and were sleeping on the couch."

Elliot pursed his lips, searching for the right words to say, "You got really drunk."

"I assumed as much, my head is killing me."

"You called me and I came to get you," he continued explaining to her, attempting to keep his words as flat lined as possible. "When I got there, you were flirting with some random guy and talking about how cute the bartender was. When I told you we should leave, you kissed the guy you had been flirting with."

Despite his attempts to hide it, the hurt shone through on his voice. Olivia pulled back, trying desperately to remember the scenario, but it wouldn't come to her. Knowing that she could have ruined the only thing she had left, Benson made an immense effort to repair the person she had broken. Her voice was small and weak as she apologized, "I'm sorry, El. I am _so _sorry. I don't remember it. I just wanted everything to go away."

He stood from the bed, not certain as to where to go from there. Olivia continued speaking to him frantically, "I understand if you hate me. I would hate me. I would never speak to me again, but I didn't mean to hurt you, I would never hurt you."

"Sometimes people can't clean up the mess you leave," he retorted.

She sat up in bead, her face clearly resembling the feeling of resentment she was experiencing, "I can't always clean up yours either. How many times have I had to cover your ass," she shouted. He watched her stand from the bed and walk to the door frame, "Too damn many, Stabler. This is done. This is over. You don't have to clean up _my _messes anymore, all right?"

Elliot's jaw dropped slightly as the yelling ensued. He watched her start to leave the room and quickly piped up to stop her, "I didn't mean that."

As her back continued moving away from him, Stabler immediately regretted ever saying anything. He followed to see her throwing on a jacket and shoes, preparing to leave the house, "Just wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I was just hurt."

"_You're _hurt," the detective gasped. "I don't care how hurt you were," Olivia muttered, her brown eyes rimmed with tears. She was _so _sick of being vulnerable. "I'll call Casey and stay with her. Don't worry, I won't be there to bug you ever again. I won't be here to ruin your life. So screw you. Screw you for ruining mine."

The door slammed shut. Elliot pulled out his cell phone and immediately called Novak. His entire body shook as he heard her voice over the receiver.

_Novak._

"Casey," he answered, desperation shining through his tone. "Olivia left."

_What do you mean?_

"I said some things I shouldn't have," he muttered. "She's going to call you and ask to stay with you again."

_God, Elliot. What did you do?_

He heard the disappointment that lingered in her tone of voice and it took a moment for him to answer her, "I told her that I couldn't keep cleaning up her mess."

_Damn._

"I know."

_How do I fix this?  
_

"Just be there for her, until she'll let me back in," he pleaded.

_You know I will, _Casey's voice rang out. _Take care, I'll bring her by the precinct for work soon. You should get ready to head in, too._

Nodding at her words, Elliot answered, "I'll be there in about an hour."

_She's on the other line. Bye._

He heard the dial tone as she hung up. Relieved that someone would be there for his best friend and partner, Elliot took a shower, taking his time as he cleansed his body. He allowed tears to fall from his blue eyes and tried to find the strength to face the brown eyed woman he had hurt that morning.

* * *

Olivia stepped out of the shower at Novak's apartment and wrapped a fluffy green towel around her slim frame before stepping out of the confines of the restroom. She passed Casey as she entered the bedroom and offered the ADA a simple nod. Aspirin had already been administered, and her headache was fading quickly. The general hangover feeling still lingered over her, but Benson knew that a cup of coffee would clear it up in good time and she was determined to get over it as quickly as possible. 

She slipped on work clothes – blue jeans and a light blue sweater – and quickly towel dried her hair, resigning to placing it into a tight pony-tail to avoid messing with her hair dryer. After applying her basic makeup, she stepped out of the bedroom and glanced at her friend who was watching the Headline News on CNN. Olivia cleared her throat and Casey flipped her head around.

"You're ready already," Casey asked, shocked at how quickly the brown haired woman in front of her managed to prepare herself for work.

"Yes," Benson nodded. "We should leave; I don't want to be late."

Novak rose from the couch, straightening her clothing and grabbing her briefcase, "You want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

Casey sighed softly, "I don't know, your testimony, the drinking, the fight with Elliot. Any of those work for me."

Olivia looked slightly agitated as she walked out of the door in front of Novak. She wanted for everyone to simply let her deal, but it seemed that it was too difficult for them to do so. As Casey shut and locked the door behind them, Olivia started walking down the hall.

"Look," Novak continued, "if you refuse to talk to me, talk to somebody. It's eating you up – that much is obvious."

"I hate you sometimes," Olivia muttered.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," the female detective ended the discussion with a harsh conclusiveness in her voice.

Casey drove to the precinct in silence and walked Olivia up to the bull pen. Elliot had already arrived and she sat across from her partner without saying a word. Both were slouched over and obviously uncomfortable with the other's presence. Casey sighed softly and shook her head, wishing with all of her might that the two could work out whatever was eating at their relationship.

"I'm going to watch the remainder of the trial," Novak announced. "Anybody want a call when they send the jury to deliberate?"

Olivia looked up, obviously nervous. Casey smiled as her friend nodded cautiously, "I'll let you know. I take it you want to be there for the verdict?"

"I have to hear it for myself," the brown haired detective let herself whisper.

Casey offered a reassuring look as she answered, "I'll let you know, then."

The ADA left the squad room as Cragen left his office. He gave Olivia a placid pat on the shoulder before speaking, "Someone tell me where we are on a Harrison case."

"Nothing new," Munch stated boldly. No one wanted to tell their captain that no leads had been caught, but it wasn't as though any of them were too focused on work the day before.

"So start looking," Cragen growled.

Fin was the next to fight back, "The woman gave us nothing, waited two months before reporting it, and nothing matches the MO she described. Captain, sometimes we just have to let it go."

Cragen nodded, "Keep looking, but I understand. Any solid leads with any other cases right now?"

"I was speaking with Ashleigh Bryant yesterday, the MO of her attack as well as her physical description matches David Absalon who was convicted in Brooklyn last week on two counts of rape," Munch responded.

"Set up a line up," Cragen ordered.

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh, Fin looked up from the paper he'd been examining on his desk, "Benson, talk."

"You're seriously letting the Harrison case go? You're suggesting that we are not going to find the guy who attacked her? She's pregnant, you moron," Olivia spoke angrily. "Do you honestly think she's lying?"

"Liv, I don't know," Fin countered. "It could be sex gone wrong, or the tru-"

She, however, cut him off before he could finish his sentence, "You be the person who walks up to her and has to tell her that because she was too scared to come forward when it first happened that we're pretending like it never took. Be the next person to betray her. After all, who cares, right? It's just one rapist. One guy who got away with it and we'll get him when he strikes a second time, right?"

"That's not what I meant," the ex-narcotics detective fought again.

"Forget it," Olivia muttered. "I forgot that we only solve the easy cases in this unit."

Feeling caged in, Benson quickly stood up, pulled her jacket from the coat rack, and made her way to the roof. She walked quickly, praying that no one followed. As soon as she opened the door, her feet carried her to the edge without thinking about it. Staring out over the city, the brown eyed woman made every attempt she could to calm herself.

She knew what they were going off of on the Harrison case was little to none – it had been tearing her apart, though, from the day that eighteen year old had stumbled into the bull pen two weeks ago. For some reason, Olivia had taken a special interest in Krystal. The girl reminded her of her mother, and even a bit of herself. Scared and broken, the teenager had confided in Benson, who had gotten too attached.

"Damn it," the detective yelled off of the side of the building.

Pulling the coat that was shielding her from the cold February wind around her small body, the brown eyed detective swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat. _Don't cry, _she thought. _You're stronger than this, don't let yourself break down._

Sometimes, she found herself wondering if life was worth it. There were many days when Olivia wanted nothing more than to end it all. It hurt to just _be, _and her existence seemed to be spiraling out of control. While she had Elliot, her significant other, companion, and rock, it felt like for every step she took forward, something pushed her two steps back. Never before, though, had she been without her blue eyed partner by her side. Yet, after her actions the previous night, Benson was positive it would be impossible to gain his love back.

_Not that I deserve it, _she thought, _but I desperately want Elliot here to hold me._

Benson was smart enough to know that her continued valiance toward not consuming food was weakening her with each passing day. She knew that it was an unhealthy way to deal with her stress, but it didn't stop her. She ate enough to get by – half a bagel some mornings, a little salad at dinner – but she never allowed herself to consume enough to become full. Elliot had pushed her to eat more on a daily basis, but she always ignored his requests, insisting that she was fine. Olivia found herself lost in thoughts of satisfaction when she managed to go an entire day without putting anything besides water and a glass of coffee into her body. She thought of the safety she found in Elliot's strong arms. Trying to regain her sense of self, Benson even allowed herself to remember her happiness prior to the attack.

She let out a deep breath that she had been holding in an attempt to prevent tears from falling. Finding her composure, Olivia turned to leave the roof. Her nose was losing all feeling and she knew someone would be up to find her soon. While she didn't know how long she had been standing in the same spot on the roof, the bitter cold that coursed through her veins was enough to prompt her return to the squad room.

Grabbing the door handle, Olivia prepared herself to face her colleagues. Yet, as she began to open the door, someone pushed from the other side. She found herself face to face with Elliot.

"Casey called," he whispered.

Olivia allowed herself to swallow hard once more, "Oh."

"The verdict will be in soon," Stabler informed her as she stepped inside of the building. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to warm her frozen body. She let out a muffled sob into his shoulder as she fought whatever emotion was trying to erupt from inside. He rubbed her back gently, "Come on. I'll drive."

And they walked together to his car hand in hand. On the way, he told her that Munch, Fin, and Cragen had all left already. He assured her that he wouldn't leave. While he was still hurting, nothing mattered more than getting his friend through the next obstacle. She clenched onto his fist as he drove to the courthouse and broke the contact only to get out of the vehicle.

She saw Casey speaking with Cragen and Munch with his partner off to the side. Elliot held Olivia's small body close, providing her with much needed heat and comfort. They approached Novak and their boss. Don smiled gently. Olivia attempted to return the gesture, but could only manage to reveal a scared grimace.

A nod from ADA Proctor signaled that they should enter the room. Olivia nestled herself in the front row behind Proctor in between Casey and Elliot. The rest of her coworkers were behind her and Lisa Lassen sat down the row a few seats from Casey. Benson noted how her hair was pulled into a tight bun and no one was there to support her. She silently thanked the heavens for her friends, each of whom had a grip on a hand as she squeezed.

The jury slowly filed into the room and Olivia began holding her breath. Elliot glanced at her, offering a silent companionship. He felt her begin to shake as the defendant was asked to rise. Her clutch tightened as she heard Judge Petrovsky question the jury about reaching a verdict.

"We have, Your Honor," she could hear a female voice ring out. She mentally analyzed the voice, hearing soft undertones of anxiety but sensing an overall confidence. She decided the woman sounded kind.

Benson could make out Petrovsky's voice again as she closed her eyes and felt herself falling into Elliot. She could feel his lips grace her forehead as she took in another breath once the first had been let out. Running over each scenario in her mind, Olivia prepared herself for the worst. She forced herself to understand that Macedo may walk and believed with all of her heart that he would be acquitted. Before she could contemplate anymore, the juror's voice filled the court room.

"We find the defendant," there was an unnatural, lengthy, gutted pause before the woman let the verdict fall on their ears, "guilty."

"Defendant remanded to Riker's until his sentencing," Petrovsky announced. "The jury is dismissed. Thank you."

Her body went limp as her head fell to Stabler's lap. She let out a twisted sob of relief. Casey gently rubbed her back and Elliot did his best to shush her while having one hand occupied by hers and using the other to soothingly tousle her pony-tail. Proctor faced the group behind him. Lassen had moved closer. He tried to smile as he saw the brokenness that was in a heap before his eyes. Cragen, Munch, and Fin were all watching with concern as Olivia fell victim to her emotions before them. The looks of pain and worry from that crossed the make-shift family's faces was enough to break any soul.

Nodding to everyone in a professional manner, the prosecuting ADA found his voice in order to speak, "It's over everyone. This is finally over."

* * *

A/N: So there it is. Chapter 3. Now for the rest of Olivia's healing stuff…it's gonna be hell, but she and Elliot were too close for me to let them stay mad at one another. I was going to have her hate him until after the verdict was announced, but I could see her sitting there, losing it as she had a death grip on Casey and Elliot's hands, as she was trying with all of her might to stay calm and composed. It was my dream from moment one…when I first wrote _Not a Day Goes By. _And I couldn't let that leave. I just couldn't. 

Please review and tell me what you think…I don't know that I like it…it felt all over the place. I know what I'm doing next chapter…I think it should be up in 3-4 days…I'll have some free time this weekend! (Thank god.)


	4. Give Me Novacaine

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: First and foremost, yet again, thank you for all of the reviews! They are what get me to continue writing….Next, to the person who listened to _Fix You _by Coldplay and said it was a great song: AMEN! I'm glad I could get someone to listen to it. It's got to be one of my favorite songs EVER.

WARNING: There is sex in this chapter. I tried to keep it as not graphic as possible, seeing as this is T rated, but its there none the less. You'll figure out when it's coming, so just be warned. If you don't like it…don't read.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 4: Give Me Novacaine**

* * *

It had taken a while for the tears to subside, but Elliot and Casey had managed to get Olivia back to the precinct and up to the cribs after the conclusion of the trial. Thankfully, both had been blessed with the assistance of the other members of the Special Victims Unit. The brown haired detective had yet to look at any of her companions. No one knew what to say or how to ease the waterfall of emotions that was finally being released. 

Eventually Benson's sobs had come to an end, and her grip on Elliot's hand had loosened. She pulled herself up with the fabric on his dress shirt and nuzzled her head into his chest, taking in his comforting sent and feeling his arms resting comfortably around her. Ashamed, she sniffled once more and looked up into his blue eyes. He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"This is done," he told her kindly.

"No," Olivia countered. "It's not done."

"Talk to me," Elliot pushed.

Benson let out a deep sigh, "Seeing his face, his hands, his body, it brought the whole thing back. It made it real. This happened, and I can't pretend it didn't."

Stabler searched for the words that could comfort the woman who rested within the confines of his embrace but found none. He pulled her closer to his larger frame in a pathetic attempt to shield her from the world. Slowly, Olivia's eyes drifted shut and she let her own body rest with the knowledge that she would be safe in her partner's secure hold.

Elliot watched her sleep for nearly an hour before anyone entered the crib. At the sound of the door opening, the detective glanced up from the cot in the middle of the room to see ADA Novak looking on in astonishment.

"She's actually sleeping," The prosecutor questioned.

Stabler nodded his head, "We didn't get much rest last night."

Casey nodded as she sat cautiously at the other end of the bed. She watched as Elliot gently rubbed the back of the love of his life and smiled softly as she realized how safe her best friend was with him. Finally, Novak found her voice again and spoke of the plans for the evening, "The guys want to take her out in celebration."

"I don't know if she's up to that," Elliot quickly answered.

"I think we should let her decide," Casey argued. Shaking his head, Stabler readjusted the sleeping figure in his arms. Rolling her eyes, Novak continued speaking, "You can't protect her from everything. Maybe a night with Munch and Fin will do her some good. We'll both be there to stop her before it goes too far."

Elliot mulled the idea over in his head for a few minutes before glancing down to see brown eyes opening in his arms. He smiled reassuringly, ignoring Casey's presence for the time being, and waited for his partner to take the lead.

In good time, the detective pulled her body from his arms and stretched while still sitting on the bed. Quietly, Olivia filled the silence, "How long was I out?"

"About an hour and a half," Elliot answered.

"I was a mess in that courtroom," the brown eyed woman sighed, not expecting an answer.

Casey spoke this time, her voice gentle and reassuring as she addressed Olivia, "That's okay, though. You still faced him. I would have done the exact same thing if I were you."

"Thanks," she sniffled.

"Of course," the blonde smiled kindly. "By the way, Judge Petrovsky sends her regards and wants you to know that she congratulates you on the jury's decision."

Benson glanced at her friend, brown eyes still red and puffy from her earlier tears. "Is that even allowed," she questioned.

"I guess so," was Casey's only response before changing the subject. "Munch and Fin were wondering if the three of us wanted to hit up Mulligan's with them this evening. Drinks are on them."

Trying to influence the decision, Elliot spoke before Olivia ever had a chance to jump in, "You don't have to go if you're not ready, Sweetheart. No one will be upset if you decide to take the night to just hang out at home and rest."

Olivia pulled a sheet around her frail body as she thought for a moment. She desperately wanted to regain a sense of normalcy in her life. Being treated like a breakable object was becoming tedious and she wondered silently if going out to celebrate would be the way to prove her capability of still being a normal person. Weighing the pros and cons of what could happen, she decided that with Elliot and Casey there, she would be fine and it could even be fun. She bit her lower lip and let out a small, hesitant nod of the head. Casey smiled widely, knowing that her friend would hopefully begin healing.

Elliot didn't allow his uncertainty to show through as Olivia made her decision. He didn't want her to drink so much that she lost all sense of self again. Despite the selfishness of his desires, he wanted his girlfriend to be solely his – no matter what. When Olivia drank, she either got angry or flirty. He heard Novak and Benson making small girl talk and allowed himself to study the linens on the cot, losing his mind in contemplation. As he looked up from the sheets he had been staring at, his blue eyes met the brown ones of Benson. She was smiling slightly – the first sign of true happiness in quite a while. Noticing his slightly troubled expression, she began talking to him in a vaguely concerned manner, "Penny for your thoughts?"

He glanced past the brown haired woman to the blonde ADA on the other edge of the bed. Casey, quickly taking the hint from his blue eyes, excused herself. Olivia shook her head slowly, but continued to study Elliot's facial features. She knew something was bothering him, and after the previous two days, she couldn't blame him. Still, it hurt her to know that he was upset.

"I don't want you to get drunk again," he told her after Novak had vacated the room and shut the door.

Olivia nodded in understanding, "I won't."

"You don't know how much that hurt me," Elliot continued. "I love you and only you, but to think that you could kiss another guy – a complete stranger – and think nothing of it the next morning, it scared me. It upset me."

"It won't happen again," she repeated.

"You may say that, and I know that it will take some time to heal, but how do I know that you won't lose control again tonight and kiss another guy. Or worse, how do I know that you won't do something more with a random guy."

A look of pain flashed across the female detective's features as she pulled back from the man she had previously found refuge in. She scooted to the opposite end of the puny mattress and hugged her knees to her chest as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. _Not again, _she pleaded. Memories of their fight earlier that day flashed through her head. Resigning herself to believing that she had ruined his day and his life, she pushed her body away from the bed, dropped the sheet on the floor and began walking to the door.

Olivia rested her hand on the doorknob and her entire body trembled with uncertainty. Turning to look at her supporter again, she silenced him with simple words, "I never intended to hurt you, I just wanted to feel better. I don't remember what happened, but I _am _sorry. I know I don't deserve you, and you should find better. Don't worry about it, El. I don't want to wound you anymore. I love you, but we need to be done. At least until I can take care of myself because this is unfair to you. It's okay. I understand."

She began to open the door. Elliot jumped up. She was overreacting again and he had to stop her before she did something she would regret later.

"Olivia," he called out. "I didn't mean that. I just needed to talk to someone, to tell them what happened, and you were sitting there. I thought if I just told you how I felt, it would go away. I don't know why," desperation began to fill his voice as she took a step from the room. "Don't just leave."

"You deserve better," she whispered.

He watched her shut the door and fell onto a bed. It was worthless to follow her when she was this upset as her only response would be to push him further. He'd destroyed the trust they had formed, and now someone else had to pick up the pieces.

* * *

On her way out of the precinct, Olivia had apologized to Casey and told her that she didn't think she would make it. Novak, a normally perceptive person, noticed the tears in her friend's eyes. Yet, when no explanation was offered, the ADA refused to push. She walked the female detective outside, hailed her a cab, and told her to call if she needed anything. After that, she stormed up to the cribs where a yelling match between the prosecutor and Stabler ensued.

No one went near either person afterward.

Olivia went to the same bar she had gone to the night before, but didn't allow herself to drink as much. When a man began flirting, she smiled back and joined in the game. She was still aware of her surroundings and what was happening and continued to remind herself that the sandy haired, blue eyed creature who was complimenting her so kindly was not the same man who had stolen her life from beneath her just a few months prior. After all, this time she knew the man's first and last name. Andrew Dougherty seemed to be a very kind person.

"You're such a pretty woman," the man stroked her cheek. "Why aren't you here with someone?"

"My boyfriend and I just had a falling out," she responded, smiling coyly. "No big deal though, he was kind of suffocating, if you know what I mean."

"Well I," the man crowed, "Am nothing like that."

Olivia let out a slight giggle. Her eyes fluttered closed as his lips captured hers in a sensual kiss. She returned the action willingly.

"Shall we go to my humble abode," he questioned confidently.

Telling herself that this was not the same man as before, Olivia nodded timidly. She bit her lower lip when he grabbed her hand and threw money down to cover their drinks. Allowing him to lead the way to his car, she climbed in the passenger's seat and the two rode in silence.

Vacating the vehicle and entering the apartment, her lips were immediately assaulted with his. As she felt his hands roam in places she hadn't been touched since her rape, her mind immediately flew into the moments where Macedo began attacking her. Forcing herself to remember where she was and who she was with, Olivia tried, with all of her might, to return the actions willingly. This was not her first one night stand, and she simply wanted it to be her way of moving on. If she could do it with him, she could return to Elliot and believe with all of her mind that she had sewn her wild oats and would be able to give him everything he desired in their relationship.

As they entered the bedroom, she tried to take the lead. She gingerly unbuttoned the man's shirt and removed his pants. She stroked his ego and his body in places that could only provide the utmost pleasure. He returned the favor. She watched as he rolled a condom over his member and took a deep breath, bracing herself for what else was to come.

With every touch, her mind found itself in Macedo's room. She held back the tears as he pulled off her shirt kindly and pushed away the images as his lips sucked on her tender skin. Trying to get her rapist's face out of her mind as Dougherty entered her cautiously. Olivia played the good girl – acted like she was enjoying every second. She gripped the sheets tightly as she wanted to cry out for him to stop. She bit her tongue to stop her voice from screaming no.

If she could survive this encounter, she would be able to move on. Over and over in her head she chanted the same mantra, _you are safe, and this is fine. _The man on top of her reached his release and Olivia played the part of a satisfied partner. His face nuzzled into her neck, and she turned away. Quickly slipping on her clothing, she stepped to the bedroom door.

"Thanks for a great night," she choked over her tears.

"That's it," he questioned. "You're leaving?"

"I have work tomorrow," she replied simply.

"Can I at least have your number?"

Shaking her head solidly, Benson let herself out of the apartment and ran to the street as quickly as she could. She kept moving quickly until she was nearly two blocks away. Pulling out her cell phone, she called the only person she could think of.

_Novak._

"Casey," she breathed heavily. "Come get me."

_Where are you?_

Olivia could hear the panic in her friend's voice. She glanced at the street signs and gave the location to her friend before tacking on a desperate cry, "Please hurry."

_I'll be there soon, I promise_

The line went dead. Olivia sat on a nearby bench until she saw Casey's car pull up. Numbly the brown haired detective climbed into the sedan and pulled her knees to her chest as she leaned against the car door. Casey glanced at her friend and took in her disheveled appearance. Wondering what had occurred and how Olivia had gotten into this part of town, she allowed herself to wait for Benson to take the lead as she drove to her own apartment.

When there were no words from her friend, Novak spoke, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Olivia bitterly answered. "I just want to sleep."

"All right then," Casey whispered. The ADA knew that it would take time, and she just had to make a silent vow to be ready when her friend needed to talk.

* * *

A/N: Yes? No? Like? No Like? Let me know by reviewing. If you review, I am happy. If I am happy, I write more. If I write more, you read more. Then this whole thing gets done. That was not a fun chapter…so thanks for reading and review. Did I ask you to review yet? Pretty please review. Every reviewer gets a digital cookie!!!! 


	5. Good Times

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews…I feel like I let some people down. This is an EO fanfiction, it will end EO, but there have to be obstacles. Olivia has to deal. I know she slept with a random guy. I know she's acting stupid. I _know _it seems OOC for her. She was raped people, it doesn't just disappear (much thanks to those who realize it). As for those who want to kill me for making her do it…I didn't _make _her. When I write, stuff kind of flows and happens. When I'm writing about something that hit close to home, well, let's just say that it's less about what I want to have happen and more about what I know to be realistic. I would love for her to just trust El and be over it, but that's not how it works. We do, however, see a lot of improvement in this chapter.

Now, virtual cookies. Thanks to: Andrea, instenseintimacy, KatieKat112211, PaceyW'sgirl, AbbyGrl, Abagail, marianne0424, onetreefan, MaryWhite, and MariposaAngel18. Take your pick of cookie, enjoy it, and have fun reading this chapter.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 5: Good Times**

* * *

"How has your week been?" 

"Fine."

"Anything happen that you feel like you should tell me about?"

The brown haired woman took in a deep breath. It was Friday and she was sitting in Dr. Huang's office for her weekly therapy session. She silently debated telling him about her first venture into sexual relations. She tried to decide whether or not she wanted help. Elliot had maintained an entirely professional relationship with her, but always offered to help out if anything was appearing to be too much. Not once, however, had she taken him up on it.

"Olivia," the psychiatrist prompted, "why don't you tell me what you've done recently?"

"I had sex," she answered monotonously.

"Really," George nodded. "With whom?"

"His name was Andrew," she said blankly. Her eyes were examining the floor beneath her feet.

Huang searched his mind for anyone Olivia had mentioned named Andrew, but could think of no one. Wanting to understand what prompted the activity, he pushed further, "How did you meet Andrew?"

"He was at the same bar I was at that night," she whispered. "He said I was cute."

"You liked feeling loved?"

Olivia shrugged, "I wanted to feel normal. That was the last day of the trial – Macedo was found guilty. I cried like a baby in front of my coworkers, Elliot and I had fought that morning _and _that afternoon. I wanted control of my life. No matter what I do, no matter how much I restrict my food intake, I can't have control. I thought making the decision to move on, at least intimately, would make it all disappear."

The doctor noted her mention of restricting how much she ate, but decided to stick on the topic that she had willingly delved into, "It didn't."

Benson rolled her eyes in an annoyed manner. His responses were always so obvious that she almost couldn't stand it. Still, she kept her emotions in check, "No."

"Why didn't it help?"

"Because all I could think about the entire time was Macedo's hands running over my body. All I could remember was the feeling of being violated. I wanted to scream for him to stop, but I couldn't make myself," Olivia stopped to breathe for a second, doing all in her power to maintain a stable pitch in her voice. "I wanted to be in control again."

Huang nodded, making a note on the pad in front of him, "But you aren't in control?"

"No," she whispered.

"Tell me about your relationship with Elliot," George pushed cautiously. He could tell that his patient was standing on thin ice and every attempt to move closer was putting her at risk for falling.

Olivia looked around the room as she spoke, refusing to make eye contact with Huang, "He got mad at me when I kissed a random guy in front of him the night I testified. I was drunk, don't remember it all, but I still did it. I know it hurt him.

"He cares about me so much, you know? I just want to give him everything he deserves, and he deserves someone who isn't a walking train wreck. He deserves better than me. So I haven't told him about sleeping with someone. Our relationship is, for the time being, purely professional."

"Do you think that helps," George pushed.

Olivia sighed, "It's better that he's not hurting."

Huang nodded, "Maybe he's hurting anyway."

"Because he doesn't have to put up with the easy slut who can't manage to live her own life without being destructive," she scoffed. "Yeah right."

"You said earlier that nothing gives you control," George moved on, trying to best decide how to approach his next topic. "What have you tried to gain it?"

"I slept with a random guy. I've been drinking more lately," Olivia responded.

"What about your eating patterns?"

Olivia thought for a moment before shrugging, "I'm trying to be healthier."

"That's what you say every week," George reminded her cautiously.

Knowing that she was treading on thin ice, the female detective fed him the answer he had been waiting for, "I don't eat because it makes me feel like I have something that I can be in charge of. I can't control who the next perp attacks. I can't control my own emotions. I can't control how much what I do hurts the man that I love or my best friends. I _can _control how much food I shove into my mouth. Forgive me for taking charge of the one thing I can."

Nodding slowly, he watched as the patient slumped down in her chair, staring yet again at the floor in front of her. Not wanting to invade on a personal moment, he waited until she made the next move.

It took a few minutes before she looked up at him, "I know it's wrong. I know that what I'm doing isn't healthy. But you can't take it away from me." Olivia stared at him with pleading brown eyes, "Don't take this away from me, George."

"There are better ways to cope," he stated calmly.

"I don't want to know about them."

"You need help."

"No," she answered defiantly. "I don't. I am in control of this situation, I can quit whenever I'm feel like it."

The psychiatrist shook his head, "I'm not so certain you can."

"Don't do this," she begged quietly. "Please, just give me some more time. I can handle this."

"You just said you had no control, earlier you stated that even restricting your food intake didn't enable you to control your life," he said, pulling Olivia's own words back to haunt her. "I'm not supposed to give you any passes – no free rides. I should be telling Cragen that you need more help than I can provide, that you need to go to an inpatient treatment center."

"You won't, though," she stated quietly. "Will you?"

"Not yet," George answered. "But I want to see you more often, every Tuesday and Friday, at least. Bring Casey along next time and we'll find alternate coping strategies."

Biting her lower lip, Olivia gave a small nod in gratitude. George smiled softly, trying to reassure her that it would all be okay. "Go to work, and make up with Elliot. Tell him you're sorry. I know you still need him."

"I do," she whispered. "You're right."

"I'll see you Tuesday," he stated as he escorted her out of the door. "And, Olivia," she faced him, "you are anything but a slut or easy. You're one of the best cops I know, and the strongest woman I think I've ever met. This may have you down, but you're not out. Remember that, okay?"

Forcing a small smile, the detective nodded once more. She turned and walked from the building. There were still days when she didn't want to be alive, and the past few had been that type of day, but every so often someone would remind her why she was still alive. In those moments, she found the strength to move on.

* * *

Benson wandered into a squad room that felt unusually empty. Elliot sat at his desk, but aside from that, no one else was present except Captain Cragen who was in his office with the door shut. She noticed how unusual it was for there to be so few people around during the mid-afternoon but quickly dismissed it when she heard a voice addressing her. 

"How'd therapy go?"

"Fine," she told her partner.

"That's good," Elliot nodded as he finished typing out the DD5 he had been working on.

Olivia took a deep breath, "Look, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Her brown eyes looked at his face, searching for any sign that he was actually listening to her. Deciding that he wouldn't simply ignore her calls, she continued, "For hurting you, for not trusting you, for not trying harder to get away from it. I was scared. I was upset. I lost control and started trying to fell into a pattern and let this whole thing take over every thought, every move I made. I lost who I was for a while, and now I'm ready to find me again."

Elliot looked at her with gentleness in his blue eyes. The fear that played on her smooth features was undeniable as he took in her words. He spoke to her softly, as though she were a scared child who needed to be reassured in the middle of the night, "I know you were and are sorry. I don't blame you, I blame myself for not being more supportive."

"You did everything right," she answered.

He shook his head, "I pushed too hard."

"You did not," she fought back, determined to prove to him that she was truly sorry and he had done nothing to deserve the cold treatment she had been handing him ever since the day she was raped. When he said nothing in rebuttal Olivia made the decision to bridge the gap she had created between them, "Are we okay?"

"We were always okay," he answered. "I would never just abandon you, and you know that."

"What I meant to ask was if we were back to how we were before I kissed some random guy in a bar?"

"Of course," he whispered.

She felt guilty about not revealing the fact that she had slept with someone else, but that was something that only her psychiatrist knew, and she had no intention of revealing that information to anyone else. It was a mistake, she learned from it, and hopefully it would never get out to her boyfriend.

"Thank you," she finalized the conversation.

"Any time," he told her with a small smile and a look of devotion in his eyes.

Olivia's eyes returned the same gaze as she smiled at her partner, "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," was his tender reply as he returned to his work. Olivia did the same until they were called to a crime scene.

Once there, she spoke to the victim in caring tones as Elliot hovered nearby. When the ambulance took her to Roosevelt Hospital, she rode in the back, but Elliot met her at the door before walking into the building. He stood outside of the door while Olivia held the victim's hand through a rape kit, but he knew that the night would be a long one when Olivia stepped out of the room, found the nearest trash can, and heaved up the little food that had been in her stomach.

As soon as the victim was decent, he watched her walk back into the room and speak with the young, red haired teenager who couldn't control her tears. Olivia held the small body close as she shook and went through the motions of taking a detailed statement.

Every case seemed to hit harder than the last, and Benson continued to find it increasingly difficult to remain unattached. Again, Elliot would cover for her if she needed it. He would explain her conduct as necessary to their captain and the IAB if the need arose. Nothing changed the fact that his partner was a damn good cop.

As the brown haired woman stepped out of the room, Elliot peaked his head in to see the teenager fall back on the small bed she had been sitting on.

"What have we got?"

Olivia sighed, "Megan Churchill, 15. She was walking home from a friend's house when some man asked her for directions. She stopped to help him and then turned to leave. He knocked her out, drug her into the alley, and she woke up halfway through the rape. Thankfully she fought like hell; got a piece of him under her nails and he left DNA, not a very clean man. I'm calling a sketch artist to work with her. Are the parents here?"

"Waiting room," he whispered, resting his hand on the small of her back. He watched her close her eyes and let out a deep breath as she attempted to rid herself of too many memories. Elliot decided to ease her burden, "I'll do the talking."

"That would be greatly appreciated," the female detective breathed. The two walked together to the waiting room where they sat across from the parents. Elliot briefed them on their daughter's condition and led the way to visit. Olivia warned of the possible reactions they may encounter.

Stabler stood by as his partner watched through a window at the family's interactions for a moment. For the most part, the girl seemed genuinely happy to see her parents. Assured that she was safe, Elliot led the way out of the hospital and back to the precinct where the two filled Cragen in. He dismissed them willingly, saying something about it being late and all of them needing sleep.

"Do you want to stay with me," Elliot questioned, "or Casey?"

Olivia walked over to her locker and grabbed something trivial that she didn't feel like leaving at the precinct overnight. Approaching her desk, she walked past it and over to Elliot, permitting her body to fall against his chest for the first time in nearly four days. He smiled as he felt her mold against him and let tension flow from her body. A small smile fluttered across her face. She took in the scent of a long day at work and days of concern. Finding comfort against his body, she remained silent and refused to move.

Elliot responded in the only way he knew to be logical – wrapping his arms around the woman and pulling her close, resting his chin on her head and rubbing her back soothingly. They remained intertwined for a few moments before Olivia looked up at his face. However, at her odd angle, all she could see was the edge of his chin and straight up his nose. She pulled back and stifled a laugh.

"What's so funny," Elliot asked quizzically.

"Nothing," she answered, her eyes sparkling with humor.

Despite his lack of understanding, nothing made him happier than to see the sparkle in his partner's eyes that was a rare commodity anymore. He allowed a grin to wipe across his face and walked to the door, "Detective Benson, if you would like a ride, come now."

"Are you taking me out for food?"

Elliot looked at her for a moment before speaking, "You're hungry?"

"Starved," she answered.

"Well, then. Food it is."

Olivia took his hand as she began walking, "You're buying."

Elliot rolled his eyes, playing the annoyed boyfriend, but if the truth were to be told, in that moment, he couldn't have been happier.

* * *

A/N: So…that's chapter 5. I don't know if I like it at all. I wanted something a bit lighter though, something that was worth smiling about at the end. I wanted the two of them to be happy for a minute or two because poor Olivia has been through pure hell and deserves to smile. So there ya go. Let me know by reviewing. This time, reviewers get pie! 


	6. What'll I Do

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: So much pie to give out!!!! Thank you for that!! Those who asked for specific flavors, they have been provided. Otherwise…pick your favorite kind and pretend you have it. If you don't like pie, well, then BOO on YOU! Because Pie Rocks. Anyways, thanks for the reviews and all of that fun stuff. Here comes chapter 6, and I have a very distinct idea as to where this story will END. If you all like it, I may make it into a trilogy thing…but it'll prolly be done with this story. You people will tell me eventually. But in the mean time, we have a few more chapters to go before I need that opinion. So, that was a waste of a couple of minutes…

Also, I am VERY sorry it's taken me so long to update (and will continue to take decent amounts of time for a little while). You see, in my life…when it rains, it pours. I have been dealing with many personal issues for some time now, and sometimes it's too much. While writing is an outlet, it is secondary. Music will ALWAYS be my first love and will ALWAYS be my best way to find comfort from the days that seem to be too much. Thank you for sticking with me. I am sorry.

Oh yeah, someone asked me if Liv puking last chapter was a result of memories from the interview of the victim or if it was because she was pregnant from the one night stand. The one night stand had been approximately 5 nights before that, which I didn't clarify so well, so she wouldn't know if she's pregnant yet. (but he did use a condom, remember that folks.) Anyway, it was all about being lost in memories and freaking out that she had to throw up. Alrighty!

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 6: What'll I Do**

* * *

The next few weeks went well for everyone. Olivia was slowly finding the strength to fall into her old routines. She was still more cautious, she still cried when a case became too much, and nightmares were still a nightly occurrence. Macedo had been sentenced to the maximum for his crimes, which was all anyone could ask. That, however, did nothing to ease Benson's fears of others or her reservations about doing anything alone. Nor did it change her tendency to begin losing control of her emotions from time to time, especially when her job prompted memories of the assault to regain ground in her mind. Despite all of that, Benson was showing signs of eating more – although still ate much less than she should have been consuming – and had only had one or two drinking binges. Any time at a bar, however, was spent with Casey or Elliot nearby, and nothing further happened.

While she had yet to reveal to anyone besides George her sexual encounter with Andrew Dougherty, the healing process was finally kicking into high gear. Casey had attended a few sessions with Olivia in order to figure the best method for coping with the stress of daily life and recuperating from a traumatic event. The ADA didn't push too hard, but she was adamant about ensuring Olivia's health and improvement of every situation.

The entire squad enjoyed having their old friend back. The mood swings that had so greatly been affecting each of them were fewer and farther between. The normalcy they had known prior to one of their own being raped would never return, but they had fallen into a new routine that seemed to work. Interrogations were coming easier and easier, but there was a different side to Olivia that came out during them. Elliot was often the one sitting calmly in a chair while his partner paced back and forth, yelling and shouting until the perp gave him or herself up. She was, all of a sudden, the bad cop.

Nights were usually spent at Elliot's house. The two would get dinner and take part in their fair share of cuddling on the couch, either talking or watching a movie, then would go to bed. Stabler pulled the brown haired woman close every night as she drifted to sleep. The slumber rarely lasted long before her screams woke him. Numerous nights were spent holding her hair back as she threw up after crying many tears. In the wee hours of the morning, they often spoke of the weather in an attempt to get her mind away from the night that changed her life.

Anymore, Elliot was the only person who she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of. Olivia forced herself to be strong around Casey and refused to show any weakness at work. Pity was not anything she desired to be cast upon her, and she did anything in her power to avoid it.

Despite living in what felt like a world of broken dreams, Olivia allowed her relationship with Elliot to deepen both emotionally and physically. The only thing she kept from him was the night she slept with someone else, and that was not something she ever intended to divulge. She was slowly becoming more comfortable around Stabler, allowing for more than just gentle kisses, but nothing ever went further than hands. She never permitted the removal of clothing, and the brown haired man never pushed past her boundaries.

It was nearing 9:30 in the evening when Cragen left his office. Olivia's head was down on her desk – sleep had been hard to manage the prior night – and Elliot was typing away at paperwork, attempting to get his work done. Don shook his head. He was aware of the fact that his detectives were tearing themselves apart as they dealt with the aftermath of previous events, but nothing stopped them from doing their best. Nothing had made him more contented than to see Benson recovering as well as she finally was. Still, there was a long way to go.

Not wanting to disturb the sleeping detective, he moved to Stabler and gently placed a hand on the man's shoulder. Don glanced at the computer screen before speaking calmly and softly, "Go home. That's an order."

"Captain, if this isn't done by tomorrow night then I'm in contempt of court."

"It will be here tomorrow, Stabler." Cragen pointed to Olivia, "She needs to be resting right now."

Elliot's blue eyes watched the woman who was sitting across from him. He knew Olivia had to be in an uncomfortable position, and he wanted nothing more than to take her home and hold her tightly as she slept through the night. Nodding slowly as she began to move a bit in the chair, Stabler shut down his computer and Cragen left the squad room, muttering something about seeing the two of them the next morning.

Stabler slowly walked around the desks and got down on his knees, preparing himself to wake the woman he loved. He affectionately brushed the hair from her eyes before speaking in a soft, warm voice, "Liv, sweetheart. Wake up."

When there was no response, Elliot cautiously shook her shoulder. Her head shot up and she pushed away from the contact, almost falling out of her chair. Stabler pulled back immediately and rose to his feet, wishing he could have avoided that reaction.

"Hey, it's just me. You were sleeping and it's almost 10:00 P.M," he told her. She calmed with his voice, allowing her labored breathing to return to a normal rate and her shaking body to go back to its customary stability. Elliot waited for her brown eyes to rid the fear that had overtaken his partner. When Olivia finally appeared to be back to normal, he held out his hand to assist her as she stood from the chair.

"Let's go home," he urged. Stabler held up her jacket and supported her as she slid it upon her shoulders. Pulling it tight, she followed him out of the squad room and to his car. Once in his house, she went to shower almost immediately.

Elliot sat on the couch as he listened to the water run, wondering silently how else he could help Olivia. He loved simply having her close to him – trusting him, loving him, hugging him, kissing him. Yet, nothing stopped him from longing for more. Stabler knew not to push, but there were days when waiting for her to make the next move grew tedious. He heard the water from the shower cease and turned on the television to a rerun of _Happy Days. _Stabler's ears perked up as the sounds of her padding through the house could be heard and, eventually, his body felt the warmth of Benson's radiating as she sat close to him on the couch. He draped an arm around her shoulder and she rested her wet head against his chest. The contact soothed them both.

They sat quietly for a while, simply enjoying the other's presence. The silence they often relinquished themselves to was comforting and kind. It was a companionable quiet, offering the support of another person and the opportunity to reflect safely.

Eventually, however, the silence and calm broke as Olivia sat up and pulled her legs into an Indian-style position, staring intently at Elliot's face. He looked back, waiting for her to speak to him, uncertain about her actions. Finally, the female detective opened her mouth, "I feel like I'm holding you back."

"What do you mean?"

"You deserve a great relationship," she continued. "You deserve to be with someone confident and strong, someone who loves you. Your focus shouldn't be taking care of me. I can handle myself."

Elliot sighed. It seemed that every week or so, the two of them would have this conversation. Olivia would doubt her ability to provide her significant other with his needs, both physical and emotional, and he would take the time to calmly convince her that she was completely incorrect and he was more than happy with her.

Before he could begin his speech, though, Benson had started again, "I mean, you're the most amazing man I've ever known. You've been so patient and kind, but I've done nothing in return."

"You've done plenty," he told her.

"No," she replied firmly. "I haven't."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I haven't been able to satisfy your needs, and I keep you up at nights, and I just don't deserve to have someone like you love me," she muttered.

"First of all, you do deserve to have someone love you," he answered. "Second, I love you more than anything in the world, and I love you because of who you are, not for what you could possibly provide me with physically. If I have to wait until you're eighty years old before you're ready to progress with the physical intimacy, then I will wait."

Olivia stared into his blue eyes, trying desperately to bring herself to kiss him. She was always scared of being hurt again, but knew that Elliot would never intentionally break her. She crawled across the couch, her lips parting slightly, and kissed his neck lovingly. She climbed into his lap, finding a position that would be comfortable for each of them, and continued her barrage of kisses against his skin.

Her lips met his, and he willingly accepted the tongue that traced its way around his lips and into the confines of his mouth. As his tongue fought cautiously for control, Olivia felt her body tense up. She suddenly remembered Macedo's mouth smothering hers. Benson did all she could to push the thoughts out of her mind, _This is Elliot. This is the man you love, not one you never truly knew. He __**loves **__you._

Stabler pulled back as she hesitated. His hands remained gently resting on her waist, but only to prevent her from falling as she leaned back.

"We can stop," he whispered, voice laced with concern.

"No," she answered, trying to remain confident despite the obvious nervousness in her voice. "I want to do this, I _need _to."

Elliot closed his eyes for a moment, not wanting to continue when she was obviously uncomfortable. He tried to prevent her from doing something she could come to regret once more, "I promise that I won't think any less of you if you're not ready."

"El," she moaned, nibbling at his earlobe, wanting to make him feel as loved as she knew she was, "let me do this."

His desire for the physical contact he so rarely had with the woman he loved won out over his fear of pushing her. However, he remained mindful of the situation at hand, "If you want out at any moment, you just need to say so. I'm not going to make or ask you to do anything you're not ready for."

Olivia nodded as she stood from the couch, grasping hold of his two hands with her own and gently tugging him up. She led the way to his bedroom, where she permitted herself to lay back on the bed and pull him on top. Suddenly, all she could see was her rapist towering over her small frame. Quickly pushing the thought from her mind, she rolled over to regain dominance. She reasoned with herself silently as she attempted to please her partner, _You're in control of this, Elliot will not hurt you. _

As long as she kept reminding herself that she was with Elliot Stabler, not Kevin Macedo, she would be fine. She gingerly unbuttoned his dress shirt and tossed it to the side, following it by slowly removing the undershirt that hugged his torso. Everything within her screamed to stop what she was doing – she had kept secrets from him and knew that she wasn't ready to take the next step. However, she ignored all of her instincts and assaulted her lover's chest with sensual kisses and felt his hands gently caress her body.

Every so often, her brown eyes would open and she could tell that even through his enjoyment, Stabler was watching for any signs of discomfort. Within a fair amount of time, his hands removed the shirt that covered her chest, but left her undergarments covering her. He was amazed at her beauty. Even though he had seen it before – after all, he had watched her step out of the shower at the precinct the day after she was raped and wrapped her in a towel, followed by assisting her in redressing – nothing could change the awe that flooded his mind. He gently kissed her chest and caressed her body.

"You're beautiful, Baby," Elliot whispered into her ear as he kissed her earlobe gently and continued feeling her small frame with his strong hands.

At his touch and voice, however, Olivia cried out and pulled away. She jumped to the other side of the room and began reaching out for anything that would cover her upper body. Finding a t-shirt on the floor, she put the overly large article of clothing over her frame. Tears escaped her eyes, regardless of her futile attempts to prevent it. Elliot sighed, knowing he'd pushed too hard and immediately regretting allowing the incident to take place as it had.

The brown haired woman sunk to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest as she shook from fear. The thought that kept replaying in her mind was of Macedo's hands running over her body, his voice whispering into her ear. She wanted nothing more than to escape – to run away and never return.

Unaware of how long she had been trembling in a corner, Olivia felt arms wrap around her, and she struggled to pull away. Yet the embrace refused to break and she heard someone speaking to her in gentle tones. The arms were a woman's arms and a feminine voice. Within moments, the tone was associated with that of Casey Novak's and the hold was much more welcoming. The female detective fell against the body, wanting nothing more than to have the memories of the rape taken away by the words and comfort that were coming from the other woman.

In due time, the fear began to subside and Olivia started to remember what had brought on the sudden onslaught of emotions. Her head swiveled, searching for Stabler, but not finding him. Novak rubbed gentle circles on her friends back, still trying to calm her. Wondering what the frantic search was for, the ADA made the decision to ask, "What do you need?"

"Where's El," the detective questioned weakly. Her voice was soft and still laced with the cascade of tears that had just ended.

"He's in the living room, he called me when you wouldn't talk to him," Casey answered coolly.

"I need to see him," Olivia pleaded. "I need to apologize."

"That can wait," Novak insisted, not wanting to see her friend in such a fragile state again this soon. "He called me because he thought you were scared of him. Is that true?"

"No," Olivia protested. "Let me talk to him. I need to talk to him _now._"

Casey was amazed at the fatigued woman's strength as she pushed out of the hold that had recently encased her. The prosecutor resigned herself to whatever was to come; Casey pulled her body off of the floor and sat on the bed, running a hand over her pony tail, and closing her eyes, hoping for a few moments of rest.

Elliot turned around when someone walked out of the bedroom, assuming it would be Novak and Benson would be asleep. He rose, however, when he saw Olivia's figure moving toward his own. As she approached, he could still see the puffiness of her eyes and the small hints of fear and worry that laced her features. Stabler didn't touch her, just waited.

Finally, the brown haired woman spoke, "I need to tell you something."

"Then tell me," he urged.

"It's going to hurt you," she warned cautiously. Her voice was filled with apprehension and her body reflected the same attitude. "And you may never want to see me again."

"That will _not _happen," he stated confidently. "I promise."

Olivia sighed and rubbed at her forehead for a second, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Stabler."

"Whether I'm upset or not," he answered, "won't matter. I will not leave you, and I will always love you. We'll work through it." In spite of his calm and collected expressions, he was unbelievably nervous for what was to come.

"Let's sit," she motioned, as she took a seat on the couch, leaning against the arm on the far side. Elliot followed her lead, sitting toward the middle, but leaving enough space for Benson's comfort. Once she was satisfied, the story began, "It was three weeks ago, the night when Fin and Munch had invited us for drinks. I was mad at you for harping at me about drinking too much. I know now that you were just concerned, but that didn't register that night."

She waited a few moments for him to say anything, but Elliot patiently waited for her to tell her entire story, not wanting to throw her off. She was rarely willing to be this open with him, and ruining that was not something Stabler intended on doing. Satisfied that he was content so far, Olivia spoke again, with ease, as though telling someone else's story, "So I went to the same bar that I had gone to the night I had testified. I didn't drink near as much, but nothing changed the fact that I wanted to be able to give you everything – an intimate sexual relationship included. I just wanted to regain the control I had lost, so – don't be mad, but I did something _really _stupid…."

* * *

A/N: Okay, I'm tired. I have summer school tomorrow. And I don't think I have the emotional capacity to delve into the mindset of both Liv and El tonight. I'll work on it bit by bit and will hopefully have chapter 7 out by, oh say, Saturday night? Maybe?

Please review…tell me what you think….give advice…all of that. THANK YOU!!!!!

By the way, if you've never heard the song _What'll I Do, _it's a standard Irving Berlin piece that you need to hear. I chose it as the title because I'm thinking like Elliot, who's got to be questioning what to do knowing that Liv can barely kiss him without thinking he's someone else trying to attack her. Listen to Frank Sinatra sing it…it'll break your heart every time. (I just thought that deserved an explanation, because otherwise I don't think anyone will get it.)


	7. Vulnerable

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: I can't thank you people enough for the amazing reviews I continuously receive. Seriously, it's great motivation to continue writing. So…here I am, working diligently trying to turn out another chapter…

Someone asked how many more chapters I anticipate, probably 5-6. Give or take, of course. I know my ending. The ending, it's been written. And, considering the end justifies the means, I just have to figure out what the means happens to be. Just playing, I know exactly how we get there…it's just a matter of writing it. Okay?

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 7: Vulnerable**

* * *

"I went to the Subway Inn again, I was drinking, not nearly as drunk as I was that night after I testified, after all, I remember all of the mistakes I made that second time, but I was drunk nonetheless. I met a guy; he was sweet, cute, and funny. His name was Andrew, and he told me I was beautiful. I knew you could never love me again, well, I thought that at least. One thing led to another, and he invited me to his place."

Olivia paused as she took a deep breath. Within a few moments, she spoke once more, unease dripping off of her voice, "I know I should have stopped it, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be able to provide you with some form of pleasure, and I thought the easiest way to do that was break the barrier with someone else – someone who couldn't hurt me like you could. I slept with him, it meant absolutely nothing and it didn't help at all. But I still slept with him."

"You," Elliot confirmed quietly, "had sex with some random guy."

Olivia bit her lower lip and nodded. He watched her brown eyes fill with tears and heard her choke them back as she spoke, "I knew his name this time."

"Liv, I don't care that you knew his name. That means nothing to me. It's the fact that I _specifically _told you earlier that day that I didn't want you to get drunk. I remember saying that I loved you, only you, and that I wanted nothing more than to have you with me no matter what. I asked you not to fool around with anyone else," the broken man told her.

"I wanted to forget everything. I wanted control. Don't you understand that? I haven't been in control of my life for three and a half months. I couldn't be a good girlfriend because I couldn't be intimate with you. I was trying to fix everything."

"You," he spat out, "aren't supposed to _fix _it, Olivia."

She sighed softly before shouting back at him, "And you were sick of cleaning up my messes. Without you there, who else was going to take care of me? I was left to fend for myself."

"I never left you," he retorted. "You left me."

"Bull," she muttered. Olivia stood from the couch, ran a hand through her hair, and began pacing back and forth.

Elliot shook his head, trying to understand everything that he had just been told. While he understood that she was still healing, and he knew that day had been hard for her, Stabler was convinced that her sin was unforgivable. Trying desperately to understand what happened, he began an interrogation, "How many other men were there?"

"None," Olivia answered bitterly. "I love you - nobody else."

"Why? What even gave you the idea that it was all right to have sex with a stranger?"

"I don't even know. He was nice," she answered, attempting to find the words to repair the damaged relationship.

"I'm glad you had a good time that night. Do you know how worried I was?"

Olivia's eyes widened at his words. She let out a low grunt as she fought back her tears, "A _good _time. That was the second most painful night of my life, I'm sure you can remember my reaction to the first. Forgive me for not caring about your worries."

Elliot sighed, "I don't get you."

"What the _hell _don't you get, Stabler," she questioned rudely.

"You slept with someone, but you're going on about how horrible it was. You lied to me. You can't sleep with _me, _but you can sleep with some guy named Andrew who you've never met before. I don't get you."

"God," she droned. "I knew I shouldn't have told you this."

Elliot laughed, purely due to a loss for a proper reaction. Shaking his head, he pushed further, "And build our relationship on lies. That would be a _wonderful _plan."

"Did it ever occur to you that just because I slept with another man it doesn't mean that I liked it or even wanted it?"

"Are you crying rape again?"

"Crying rape," Olivia whispered and a tear trickled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, wishing her vulnerabilities didn't show as much during their arguments. In due time, she regained her ability to speak, "You think I was lying?"

Elliot mentally kicked himself as he realized what he had just accused his partner of. His mouth opened and closed like a fish a few times before he found the strength to answer her, "I never meant that."

"Like hell you didn't mean it."

"Olivia," he stood from the couch to face her. "I never meant it. I _know _you wouldn't lie about that. I'm so, so sorry."

Olivia shook her head, stepping further away from the brown haired man, "You still said it. Nothing takes that back, El."

"I know," he whispered, trying to maintain his composure. She made a quick and safe return to the bedroom. He assumed she was speaking with Casey, trying to work out what had just happened. Stabler had never intended to hurt her with those words; they weren't even supposed to leave his mouth. Yet, he had slipped up in the heat of the moment. It seemed like for every step forward their relationship took, for every good thing that happened, something else had to go wrong that pushed them further from happiness.

Sometimes, it was too much. There were days when all Elliot yearned to do was walk away from the situation he found himself in. The blue eyed man leaned his body back into the couch and swung his two legs onto the coffee table in front of him. Sighing gently, he thought to earlier that night. Olivia had told him that he deserved to have someone in his life who _could _love him. Elliot thought for a moment before it hit him – perhaps she didn't truly love him. Maybe she was looking for safety and had found it in her partner.

Stabler shook his head, trying desperately to rid his mind of the thoughts. He knew she was just stumbling, and once she regained her footing, all would be fine.

* * *

Casey had heard the raised voices and shouting, and from the bits and pieces of the conversation she was able to understand, the intelligent ADA had concluded that Olivia had sex with someone that wasn't Elliot.

She could tell that both parties were hurt. The prosecutor waited patiently, hoping against all hope that the spat would soon end and all would be at peace once more. The blonde was almost certain her wish had been granted when they both grew quiet. The door opened slowly, but what she saw was heartbreaking.

Olivia's eyes were rimmed with tears and her entire body slumped in an awkward way. The brown haired woman shut the door with a small thud and walked over to the bed. Benson plopped on the end and laid back, spreading out as she visibly held back her tears.

Sighing softly, the ADA moved to a more comfortable position before attacking the issues, "What happened?"

"Nothing," Olivia answered shortly.

"Liar," Novak pushed.

The female detective sighed and closed her eyes, "Why won't anyone believe me?"

The desperation in her friend's voice confused Novak. She looked at Olivia once more before cautiously speaking, "What do you mean?"

"Both of you think I lied. I should have known better than to tell anyone."

"Tell anyone what," the prosecutor pushed.

"That I was raped," the other said loudly.

"Back up," Casey tenderly stated. "Who thinks you lied about that?"

"Elliot."

Novak took in a deep breath knowing that her words couldn't be true. While Stabler could be a complete and total ass, Casey knew he would never take Olivia's report as a false statement. She tried to piece the situation together quickly, "When did he say that?"

"A few minutes ago," Olivia answered quietly, pulling her body into a fetal position and pretending to drift to sleep. Casey shook her head, knowing it was her friend's favorite way of trying to deflect any further conversation.

Smoothing the sheets around Benson's small frame, Casey stood to leave the room, "I'll be back in a few."

Novak noted the brown mob of hair bob up and down before leaving the bedroom and shutting the door quietly. She walked over to the couch where Stabler appeared to be deep in thought and smacked the back of his head vigorously.

Elliot let out an unexpected yelp of pain, "What the hell was that for?"

"For breaking Olivia – again," Casey answered in a hushed voice. "And keep it down, would you?"

"Damnit," was the only response.

"Yes, that's right," Novak angrily spat. "She thinks you don't believe that she was raped."

Elliot sighed softly, closing his deep blue eyes as he tried to find the words to explain what had occurred to the assistant district attorney. Eventually, he spoke, "I may have given her that impression, but I never meant to."

Casey hit him again, Elliot tried to flinch away, but was too slow. She shook her head before whispering vehemently, "Why in the _world _would you think it would be all right to give the impression that you didn't believe a hurting rape victim?"

"I don't know," he muttered, "all right? I was hurting; she slept with someone else, Case."

"I got that much from your yelling," the attorney informed the detective. "That didn't give you the right to hurt her, though. That doesn't mean it's all right for you to tell her you don't believe her, directly or indirectly, about a prior incident. That doesn't mean you get free reign to push her two steps back in her recovery."

"Do you think I don't feel guilty?"

"I know you do," she whispered. "Go talk to her. You're the only one who can repair it this time."

Elliot rolled his eyes, "I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"Does it look like I care," Novak responded sarcastically. Elliot shook his head. The attorney smiled softly, "Exactly. Now go make this better, please?"

Elliot stood up, wishing he could just take back the entire night's events. Knowing that going back in time wasn't an option, however, he slowly opened the bedroom door. He let it remain cracked as he sat on the bed and began speaking in gentle tones, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know," the still curled up figure let out a muffled whisper.

"Can you forgive me?"

"You were forgiven a long time ago," Olivia answered as she began to look up. Elliot ran a hand through her soft hair. She pulled back slightly, but soon gave into the touch, "Can you forgive me?"

Elliot continued playing with her locks tenderly. He sighed and thought before speaking, not wanting to make matters worse, but wanting to be honest, "This makes it very hard to trust you, but I forgive you."

He watched her sit up and look at him with fear in her eyes. Quickly, he spoke again, "I love you, and I know you didn't want to hurt me. I will wait until you're ready, and I won't push. You just have to believe me and let me in sometimes. I can't read your mind, even though I want to."

"I know," she whispered again, uncertain as to what would be best to say.

"Can I ask you something," he pushed. He was treading water, and his next question would either permit him to swim or sink. When the brown haired woman offered a hesitant nod, he asked the only thought that had been running through his mind since her confession, "Do you _really _love me, or is this just your safety net?"

Olivia looked hurt, but more importantly, saw the pain that radiated from the blue eyes of her partner. She wanted to run away, to disappear, to do anything that would make his life easier. He waited patiently for the response, knowing not to push. Eventually, her lips parted and she answered very cautiously, "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Elliot sighed, not fully understanding her response. "Liv," his voice quietly pressed on.

"I want to be with you, in every sense of a relationship," she answered slowly. "But I don't want to hurt you. I don't know if I'm ready for this, for _us. _I know that I love you, El. I just don't know that I'm _in _love with you, yet."

He closed his eyes, faltering in his ability to remain calm. However, her voice was ringing through the room before he had the chance to contemplate the consequences of her words, "However, I know that I could very easily be in love with you. I could fall at this moment and I would never look back. I just need time, a little more time to heal. I want to know that I'm safe. I can't keep going on with this arguing every week, even though I incite most of it, and even though you don't deserve me. Just give me a little bit longer."

His nerves quickly calmed as he heard her continuation. Elliot knew that he was in love with the brown eyes that faced him, and he knew that getting away from their gaze would be impossible. He would wait as long as he had to.

Smiling gently, he held out his arms for a hug. Slowly, the brown haired woman crawled into the embrace, resting her body against his strong frame and feeling his love exude from the amorous hold.

Casey watched the interaction through the cracked door and knew that it was time for her to leave. She knew Elliot could handle it from that point on.

Before she exited his apartment, however, she could hear a low voice speaking to someone else, "Take all of the time in the world. I said I would wait until you're ready, and as long as you promise me there's light at the end of this tunnel, I'll keep my word."

"I promise there's light," Casey could hear Olivia's voice answer.

Elliot kissed the forehead of the figure in his arms as he pulled her tighter. He heard the front door shut. Olivia cuddled closer as he rubbed her back delicately. He started humming a soft melody as he took in the scent of the woman in his arms. Her eyes drifted shut and her breathing evened out.

"I will always love you, Olivia," he whispered into the sleeping form's ear. She smiled in her sleep and pulled her body closer to his. Elliot smiled, hoping and praying that he would be able to embrace her the same way every night for the rest of his life.

* * *

The next morning, both Benson and Stabler slept past their normal time to rise. It had been a restful night, after Elliot had found a comfortable position that allotted Olivia's body to remain safe in his arms, the he had drifted off and had no interruptions through to the morning. Around 8:30 in the morning, however, Elliot awoke to his cell phone ringing. Olivia's eyes shot open and she tried to orient herself to the surroundings. She felt a kind kiss on her forehead as she heard the man embracing her answer his phone, "Stabler."

_Elliot, where are you?_

"Hey, Captain," he replied groggily. "Sorry, we slept through our alarm."

_Casey said that last night was like entering a war zone. Is everything all right?_

Elliot adjusted himself as Olivia crawled out of his arms and found dress pants and a sweater to put on. He watched as she dressed and offered and answer to his superior, "Yes, everything is fine."

_You two need to get in here. You have paperwork to finish._

"I would have finished last night," he yawned as he rose to find his own clothing. "But someone sent me away."

_Fine, _he heard the answer, _just get in here soon._

"Will do, Sir. Give us an hour."

_Elliot, now._

"Fine, forty minutes or so. We still have to deal with traffic," the detective reasoned as he changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, not feeling a need to dress up anymore than that.

_See you shortly, and drive safe, _Cragen responded to Stabler and the line went dead.

He watched as his partner left the bedroom and heard water running a minute or two later. Olivia's morning routine rarely changed – she got dressed, washed her face, brushed her teeth, fixed her hair, and was usually ready to leave.

Elliot took slightly less time and entered the restroom as she reentered the bedroom. He brushed his own teeth and took care of his hygienic needs before walking to the living room, only to find Benson waiting with his jacket in her arms. Stabler took it from her, but was shocked to find her arms wrapping around his torso before he had the chance to put the coat around his shoulders. Wrapping his arms around her in reply, he spoke gently, "Are you all right?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she answered, her voice was soft and timid. Elliot rarely heard her speak like that, even in the aftermath of being raped.

He sighed and said reassuringly, "All is forgiven, you know that. We both said things we didn't mean in the heat of the moment." He kissed her forehead in support. He pulled back and slipped his coat on, "Meanwhile, we need to get to the precinct. We're already over an hour late, and Cragen wasn't very pleased when he had to be our wakeup call."

Olivia nodded and left the apartment. They rode in silence to the precinct, but that didn't stop Elliot from noticing her quiet demeanor and apprehensive attitude. He, however, said nothing. The vulnerability Benson had given into the previous night would leave her shattered for a while, and Stabler knew better than to rock that boat. She would come back to him with her normal independence and strength once she was ready; it was just matter of riding the waves until that moment came. She had a meeting with Huang that afternoon, and had lunch plans with Casey. Hopefully that would help, and if it didn't, he would be right there to pick up the pieces.

Stabler didn't mind any of it, as long as Olivia was still by his side.

* * *

A/N: I don't know that I like it…but I was losing my mind and had to write SOMETHING. So this is what you get. I hope you enjoyed it. I have one other major conflict planned…which will take place in 2 chapters, and then a couple of chapters of recovery, and then the ending. Woo Hoo! So…review lots and maybe I'll update soon. 


	8. My Good Friend

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Thanks for all of your kind reviews…this is something I was thinking about doing last week and I was like, "No, it's not realistic." So, what I have to say is that while this wouldn't happen in real life (at least, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't), this is a fanfiction, so I have the liberty to do what I please. Therefore, I hope no one hates me. But I had no other choice…Olivia needs to heal. She has to heal. She needs a friend who can push that along, someone stubborn and hard headed, but still uses logic to make it work. She needs someone she cares for deeply. So I found that person. And it's so happening!

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 8: My Old Friend**

* * *

Walking into the precinct, Olivia and Elliot were greeted by their coworkers. Before either one had a chance to be seated, Cragen beckoned Elliot into his office? Offering a shrug of uncertainty as his partner silently asked what the summon was about, Stabler made his way into his superior's office. Once he was out of earshot, Olivia picked up her phone, sat behind her desk, and began making a phone call.

She spoke in hushed tones. Munch took notice, but played it off as a private call. He heard her thank whoever was on the other line and placed the handset back on its cradle. John looked at her, "What was that about?"

"Personal," the brown haired woman responded shortly.

"Oh," was all the older man replied.

Olivia returned to work until Elliot left the captain's office. She glanced at him, wordlessly inquiring about what had been said. Stabler responded coolly, "He just wanted to make sure that everything was fine since we slept in this morning."

The female nodded in understanding, fully believing the other's words. She stood from her desk and approached the office door without saying a word. She knocked three times; Cragen looked up from his desk and waved her in. Olivia entered, shut the door, and stood in front of her captain's desk.

"Olivia," he impelled, "what can I do for you?"

The brown haired woman took a deep breath, "Look, I know I haven't been back on the job for very long, but it's obvious to me that I'm not done healing. Hell, it's obvious to everyone. My time off before was an extended medical leave, and, Captain, I know I have some vacation time left."

Cragen nodded and pursed his lips before speaking, "Take all of the time you need."

"Thank you, Sir," the detective answered quietly.

"And know that you can always call me if you need anything."

Olivia smiled slightly as Cragen offered his support. She nodded to the bald man before walking from his small office. Before she shut the door, however, Benson turned one final time, "I'll be back in about two weeks."

"Have fun," he answered.

She nodded and shut the door. Elliot watched as the brown haired woman walked to her desk with her eyes staring at the floor. She picked up her phone and made another call in hushed tones. When she hung up, she looked at her partner caringly, "We need to talk, in the cribs."

Stabler rose quickly and followed his partner into the room with numerous cots. As soon as the door was shut, she looked at him and began speaking, "Look, I am not ready to be back here. I'm not ready to do much. I said you had to give me more time, and you promised to do so. Does your word still stand?"

Elliot nodded, slightly perplexed by her behavior, "I said you could have all of the time in the world – I meant that."

"Good," she sighed. Running a hand through her brown hair, the woman spoke again, "I'm taking a vacation."

"To where?"

"I can't tell you, but know that I'll be gone for two weeks or so, and I'll be safe," she assured the man standing before her.

While Elliot didn't say a word, his eyes spoke volumes. Everything in his body radiated fear, and Olivia didn't like it. Stabler sighed, thinking about what he had been told, and wondered mutely what this meant. Part of him was convinced that Olivia was running away from him again and that he may never see her. Another side of him, however, was simply scared that she would do something with another man. None of this could be shown, though, as it would break her heart and push them back.

"I promise that I'll come home," she answered – reading his mind. "I also promise you that I'll be faithful, just like I said I would last night. I am visiting an old friend and getting away. I need a change of pace for a while, just something to help me move on – the _right _way this time."

"You're sure about this," Elliot pushed.

Olivia nodded confidently, "Positive."

He pulled her into a hug, "Then I'll be here when you return. Have a good time."

Benson clung back, feeling the security only his arms could bring. She knew she would miss that feeling for the next couple of weeks, but the vacation she was about to take was a much needed one. She felt his lips brush her forehead and a hand run through her hair. Olivia smiled softly, wishing she could stay caught in the moment forever. Yet, she had a flight to catch, so she pulled back and tenderly kissed his cheek.

"I'll see you soon," she whispered.

Elliot nodded, "I'm counting on it."

He watched her leave the cribs and sat on a cot. While he'd miss her, he was going to keep his promise. Elliot vowed to trust Olivia despite his doubts and knew that getting away could be exactly what the doctor had ordered.

* * *

The brown eyed woman rehearsed her story one final time as the plane was beginning to land, _Name: Michelle Hilde; Age: 35; Profession: Ancient History professor at Northwest Missouri State University; Relationship to the person being visited: friend from college; Purpose for Visit: To catch up on old times. _Olivia vowed not to mess up the story as her flight came to an end and the fasten seatbelt light turned off. She quickly unbuckled and picked up her carry on bag. She meandered into the crowded aisle and smiled politely at the blonde flight attendant as she left the aircraft. 

Making her way through the tunnel that lead to the airport terminal in Omaha, Nebraska felt the like the longest walk she had taken in some time. When she left the waiting area and approached the main part of the airport, her eyes searched for the person she was meeting. After scanning the crowd once, she looked back over the people and found a slender, blonde woman wearing glasses. A smile graced her face as she quickly walked toward the woman she saw. Dropping the carry on bag, a mutual embrace was quickly enacted upon.

"I've missed you, Michelle," the blonde whispered to Olivia.

"You too, Hayley," Olivia answered back, almost slipping up and referring to the woman by her real name, "I have missed you too."

The two moved quickly to baggage claim and _Hayley _guided the way to the vehicle that was taking them the short forty-five minute drive to Lincoln, Nebraska. As soon as the brown haired detective's luggage was secured in the trunk of the blue Nissan Altima, the two were on their way.

Once they had reached the interstate, the blonde took the initiative to make conversation. She slipped out of the persona she portrayed as Hayley and fell into her old ways, "Olivia, why are you here?"

"A lot has changed," the brown eyed woman responded, staring at the road ahead of them, and taking in the boring Nebraska view.

"Like what," Alex Cabot, former assistant district attorney for the Manhattan Special Victims Unit questioned. "All I know is that I received a visit from my case worker stating that Detective Benson was making a trip to see me under the alias of one Michelle Hilde. They gave me the background story and warned that if anything goes wrong, I would have to be relocated. Of course I consented, but they never allow this. What changed?"

"This isn't the time or place," Olivia finalized the questioning. "How about you? How is life in good ol' Nebraska?"

"It's not as bad as people would think," the ADA muttered. "Sure, it's boring. It's nothing like New York, but it's not all cornfields and cows."

"You could have fooled me," the detective answered as she stared at the blank fields covering the ground. "This looks like the most boring place ever."

Alex chuckled softly. She was glad to have her friend near by once more. However, that didn't stop her from noticing the more reserved nature and obvious loss of weight that riddled Benson's character. Deciding to save the grilling for later, Cabot continued making small talk, "Lincoln doesn't have much to offer, but it's a nice place. It's safe, and Tommy Lee attended the University of Nebraska at Lincoln for a semester last year."

Olivia rolled her eyes, "That's not something that would usually interest you."

"Times change," she whispered, wishing that her life could return to what it was in New York.

The remainder of the ride was spent mostly in silence, making small talk when the quiet became too much. Olivia spoke very little of New York, not wanting to cause her friend to miss what she had once had for a life. Benson tried to imagine what Alex had gone through as she was placed in the Witness Protection Program, but couldn't seem to figure it out. The last thing she wanted, however, was to aggravate the wounds that came with being uprooted from your life and forced to start a new one.

Olivia watched out of the window as they drove through Lincoln. She was amazed at how few people walked and how easily Alex was able to maneuver through the streets. Cabot pointed out a few sites as they past them by and eventually parked in front of a small townhouse. She led the way inside of the quaint home and Olivia followed close behind, dragging her bags with her. Alex settled her into the guest bedroom and then they sat on her wine colored couch in the small living room.

"Now," Alex prompted, "Would you care to explain this visit."

Olivia took a deep breath as she leaned into the back of the plush furniture she was resting on. She was tired, that much was certain, but knew that Alex wouldn't want to wait much longer. Not to mention that Benson wanted to get it over with.

"Four months ago we had a really rough case," the detective started calmly. Alex offered her complete and total attention as Olivia studied the couch intently. Still, the brown eyed woman continued telling her story, "and I wanted nothing more than to forget about it. I'm sure you remember those days. I went to a new club and had a drink or two with a guy I met that night – Kevin – and he invited me to his place to watch a movie and get to know one another. I know I shouldn't have gone alone, but I did anyway. I didn't even know his last name."

Olivia glanced at Alex to gage her response. The woman simply watched with curiosity as Benson found the strength to continue, "I didn't want to sleep with him, but he had other plans. And that night he…well, he, uhm," she stopped. Alex sat and waited quietly, not pushing for more information than her friend was ready to provide. Within due time, Olivia spoke again, "He raped me."

Alex nodded as she bit her bottom lip. Never, in all of the years she had known Olivia, had she expected something like this to happen. For some reason, when you fought the people who committed heinous sexual crimes every day, a person would tend to feel invincible. Yet, Benson was living proof that it wasn't true. As the detective's voice rang through the small home again, Cabot gave her full attention to it, "I went straight to the precinct, told Elliot and Casey, went through the whole procedure, but I couldn't remember his name or where he lived. When a woman in Brooklyn was raped by the same man, she could provide that information."

Olivia's voice shook as she tried to maintain her composure. Fear entered her voice as she wondered if she had let Alex down, "He was convicted on both counts, but I never took the time to get better. I needed to get away, but I had no one to turn to. So I pulled some strings, called some people, and made it possible for me to come here."

The brown eyed woman purposely left out all of the other details of the past few months in the hope that she could tell the ex-ADA when she was more comfortable. Alex's eyes filled with tears as she tried to maintain the strength to help her friend in whatever way she could, "Why me?"

"Because I missed you," Olivia whispered. "I needed to get away from the people who had seen me at my worst because I knew I had let them down. I knew you wouldn't hold me to a standard. You're always a logical person, Alex. I figured you could help me figure all of this out."

The blonde nodded. "We'll figure it all out," she agreed softly. "How about some dinner, though?"

Olivia grinned, "I wouldn't mind that."

"I know a great little place," Alex said as she pulled from the couch, swallowing the tears that had been threatening to fall. "It's the best Chinese food in Lincoln."

"You know I have a thing for Chinese," the detective whispered.

"God," Alex sighed, "how could I forget that?"

The brown eyed woman laughed one of the first true laughs she had been able to offer in months. Even though she hadn't been around, Cabot knew this was the first time Olivia had let her hair down – it was just the way Benson worked. Shaking her head, she locked the door and led the way to her sedan once more, "Some things will never change.

* * *

Elliot shut down his computer and stared at the empty desk in front of him. He knew that wherever Olivia was, she would be healing. Even though it was something she desperately needed to do, it didn't change the fact that he missed her.

Munch stood to leave the squad room, but stopped when he saw his coworker hadn't moved in several minutes. He leaned against Stabler's desk, "She's not running away, you know?"

"I know," Elliot answered.

"Then why so glum," the gray haired man questioned.

Stabler shrugged, "I miss her."

"We all miss her, we've missed her for months," John answered knowingly. "This could be just what she needs though."

"I'm sure that it is," Elliot answered sincerely. "I just wish I could have fixed it."

"You can't fix everything, Stabler. You can only fix your little corner of the world. Sometimes, we can't even mend that."

"I think, in a round about way, you meant for that to be comforting," the brown haired detective scoffed.

John rolled his eyes, "I do believe I did."

"Well, thanks."

"Come on," the older man prompted. "I'll buy you a drink."

"That," Elliot answered, "sound perfect."

The two walked out of the precinct together, each missing their friend for different reasons. However, both of them were positive that, in the end, all would be fine.

* * *

Olivia looked around the small Chinese restaurant. The Pepto-Bismol pink table covers weren't necessarily appealing, but that didn't change the exquisite quality of service and food. She had eaten nearly a third of her decent sized portion of the chicken dish she'd ordered. Alex had cleared her plate. Throughout the meal, the two had caught up on old times. Olivia began to explain her relationship with Elliot, but left out the rocky situations that had arisen.

It surprised the detective that Alex hadn't had any relationships since leaving New York. As the blonde explained, "It's harder to have a relationship with someone when you aren't being yourself. For some reason, I haven't managed to master that art."

Smiling sadly, the brown haired woman pulled out her wallet to pay for the meal. Alex held out her hand, "My treat."

"Thanks," Olivia whispered. She hadn't used her friend's name since leaving the house – the last thing she wanted was to dig up the life Alex had become accustomed to in Nebraska.

The blonde paid and Olivia took the doggy bag of her food as they left the restaurant. Once back in Alex's townhouse, Olivia grabbed a bottle of water, sat on the couch, and flipped on the television. The other woman shook her head, knowing that her friend had already managed to make herself at home. Plopping next to the detective, Cabot just relished in the comfort of having her friend close by. Just the presence of a person who had been a big part of her past seemed to make life more bearable.

As the news wrapped up, Benson let a small yawn escape her lips. She stood from the couch and glanced at her companion, "I'm going to hit the sack."

Alex nodded, "I'll go for a run around 6:30. Do you want me to wake you before I go?"

"I'll go with you," Olivia offered.

"Sounds good to me."

The brown eyed woman nodded, yawning once more. She meandered up the stairs after throwing her water bottle in a recycling bin. Showing herself into the bathroom, she ran the shower and stepped under the hot vapors. Scrubbing until her skin was raw, she washed her hair and took her time drying off. Benson put on a pair of Elliot's red basketball shorts and a white camisole. She cleaned her mess and left the restroom, slipping into her bedroom door that was directly to the right of where she had been standing.

Curling into bed and wrapping the covers around her small body, Olivia silently pleaded with herself to sleep through the night. The last thing she wanted was to wake up screaming and worry Alex.

* * *

A/N: So I don't think it would ever REALLY happen. But this is a fanfiction, so I can do whatever I want. Thanks for reading. Please, PLEASE review. I like reviews. 


	9. Thicker Than Blood

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. I'm glad the visit to Alex was accepted well and it made people happy. I've never really written Alex, so I don't know how well I'm doing. Any advice is much appreciated.

It's officially the 4th of July, but dad's sick. He had a heart transplant Nov 2005, and now he gets sick a lot, and he's in rejection and so it kinda sucks. Oh well.

And now it's the 5th of July. This damn chapter is taking FOREVER. Seriously. Oh well…

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 9: Thicker Than Blood**

* * *

Alex woke around three in the morning to a loud scream from her guest bedroom. The blonde took a moment to adjust to the sound, but before it ended she was out of the door and in the one right across the hall. The sight shocked her. Olivia sat up in her bed, knees hugged to her chest, and tears streaming down her face. Cabot sat on the edge of the bed and waited, offering silent companionship during a moment of fear.

Within a few minutes, Benson had wiped the tears from her eyes and glanced at her friend, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't worry about it," Alex answered reassuringly.

"I thought I could sleep through the night."

The blonde examined her friend's demeanor. Olivia was speaking with a very doubtful tone. The confidence the detective had once exhibited was an on and off again show. Alex assumed it was a mask she put up to prevent people from worrying about her. Never before, though, had she seen Benson so broken – so hurt. Alex offered a sad smile, "Don't worry about it. Part of you being here is healing, right?"

Olivia nodded. Alex continued, "So maybe this is part of the healing. We'll just take it a day at a time, all right?"

Again, the detective's head bobbed up and down silently. She threw the tangled covers away from her and stood up. Alex watched as Olivia left the room in silence. The ex-ADA sighed softly before making the bed. She left the room and changed into her running shorts and a tank top, assuming that anymore sleep would be a very unlikely occurrence.

Cabot walked down the stairs and pulled a bottle of water from her refrigerator. She then sat on the recliner in her living room and turned on the television. It was nearly four by that time and she was trying to find something besides an infomercial to view. Settling on an _I Love Lucy _rerun, the blonde watched silently until she heard foot steps bounding down the stairs. Olivia stood in front of her around five with her hair pulled back, black gym shorts on, and one of Elliot's old NYPD t-shirts with the sleeves cut off.

Alex stood up, "I take it you're ready to run."

"Let's move," Olivia pleaded.

"What's gotten into you?"

The brown haired woman shrugged, "A serious desire to blow off some steam?"

"I'll take that," Alex answered as the two left the house and took off on a light jog. Olivia followed as her friend took the normal route. It was barely light out and the streets were mostly bare. A car would pass by every so often, but very few people seemed to be out and about that weekday morning. Their total run took about an hour. When they arrived back at the townhouse, Olivia showered first and Alex followed. When the blonde left the bathroom, the distinct smell of scrambled eggs floated through the house. Quickly changing into jeans and a blue short sleeved blouse, she left her bedroom and meandered down the stairs.

The table was already set and orange juice was poured for the two table settings. She watched wordlessly as Benson served both plates. The brown haired woman looked over at the door frame and smiled graciously, "I figured I owed you."

"For what?"

"For letting me crash in your house with no real warning," Olivia replied.

"If this is my payment," Alex stated, "then you can crash here any day. I didn't know you cooked."

Olivia let out a small chuckle, "I have a few tricks up my sleeve, you know."

"I see," Alex answered as she took a seat, her still wet hair hanging around her shoulders. The two ate mostly in silence, only talking about little, inconsequential things. Olivia did the dishes and they set about running errands and enjoying a much needed vacation.

* * *

For the next week and a half, things were lighthearted between Olivia and Alex. Cabot had no desire to push the other woman through the healing process. They ran together each morning – which appeared to be a stress reliever for Olivia. Almost every night was riddled with nightmares, and Alex was learning that all that the other woman needed during those moments was a friend to sit by her and assure her that it would be all right.

However, when Olivia had only three days left with Alex before returning home and she started to withdraw. At that point, Cabot took it upon herself to make a difference. That evening, she insisted on taking Olivia out for dinner. When they returned back to her place, the two sat on the couch, preparing to watch something on television. However, before turning the console on, Alex pulled her leg underneath her and looked at her friend.

"Talk to me," the blonde said sensitively. While she didn't want to push Olivia, it was obvious that the goal of starting to heal hadn't been reached. When a blank stare was the only reply, Alex continued to press on, "You barely eat half of your meal anytime we go anywhere. You can't sleep through the night. You shy away from every man you pass on the street. You said you wanted to _heal. _You have to talk for that to happen."

Olivia sighed quietly before talking, "I'm still terrified. No matter how hard I try, I can't push what happened away. It's always a part of everything. On top of that, I'm a horrible girlfriend, I have no control over my life, and I can't even sit through an interview or interrogation without wanting to go throw up in a corner.

"It doesn't help any that I happened to get really, really drunk the night I testified and kissed another guy in front of Elliot," the brown haired woman stopped for a moment, thinking about how to word what was next. Eventually, she found the syllables that would correctly convey her actions, "and then I broke his heart by having sex with one Andrew Dougherty, but don't ask me what his phone number is, what he does for a living, or anything else about him. I didn't talk to him long enough to learn any of that. I just did everything in my power to remember that Kevin Macedo wasn't the one lying on top of me forcing his body inside of mine. Sure, it was consensual that time, but that doesn't mean I _wanted _to do it."

Alex nodded silently, taking in every word that escaped from her friend's mouth. Olivia shut her eyes tightly before speaking once more, "I didn't tell anyone, save Huang. A few weeks after that, Elliot and I were talking, and talking turned into kissing, which turned into fooling around, and eventually started to seem like we would finally make love. I know he's wanted it for so long, you know? He said I was beautiful, and I lost it. I screamed and jumped away from him, curling in a corner until Casey got to his house to hold me. It was after that when I finally told him about having sex with someone else."

"How'd he take that," Alex questioned, picturing Elliot yelling and screaming.

Olivia scoffed, "At first he just wanted to know why, he was still kind and loving – trying to understand, I think. Once it sunk in though, he was pretty pissed off. I can't blame him, though."

"What else," the blonde continued to push, knowing from Benson's sorrowful gaze that she hadn't finished her answer.

"He accused me of lying," Olivia pushed back a sob. "He asked me how many other men I'd been with since the time we'd started seeing each other. The worst part, though, was when he questioned whether I had been raped."

Alex's jaw dropped slightly at the end. She could understand his doubtfulness when it came to her honesty with other men, but to accuse his partner of eight years of lying about being raped when all Olivia desired to do was put rapists and abusers behind bars was an uncalled for low blow. A low, depressing grunt escaped Benson's lips, "It wasn't that bad."

"Are you kidding," Cabot muttered. "That would be horrible."

"He didn't mean it," the detective quickly defended. She knew that Elliot was sorry, that he had never intended to hurt her. "It was said in the heat of the moment – I said some hurtful things too."

Alex nodded before she glanced at the clock. It was getting late and a stifled yawn fell from her mouth. Yet, before announcing her desire to go to bed, she waited to see if Olivia had anything else to say. Watching the brown haired woman closely, it was obvious that some relief had come from simply telling someone who wasn't so close to the situation. Benson smiled warmly at her friend, "You can't care about this."

"I care about you," Alex answered firmly. "I wonder how you guys are every day I'm here. You can't know how amazing it was to know I would finally see you again – although I do wish it was under better circumstances. So I _do _care about all of this, because you deserve to be happy, healthy, and safe. Don't deny yourself that right."

"Thanks Mom," Olivia whispered sarcastically, warm tears of comfort prickling the corners of her eyes. She felt two arms wrap around her small body, and she fell into the embrace. Her head fell against the shoulder and her eyes shut as she let reprieve from her pain take over. The arms remained tightly fastened around her until she released her own grip.

Alex smiled before standing and stretching, "I think we should both get some sleep."

Olivia nodded in agreement before walking up the steps ahead of the blonde. She turned one more time to face her friend, "I can't thank you enough."

"Just get some sleep," was all Benson heard before the other bedroom door shut. Feeling more at peace than she had in many weeks, Olivia changed and fell into her bed. The brown eyed detective let her eyes drift shut as she yanked her covers around her small body and hugged her knees to her chest.

She slept peacefully through the night and awoke more rested than she had in as long as she could remember. Olivia and Alex spent their last few days together by talking through the rest of Olivia's fears and doubts as well as just having a good time. It was as though they had never been apart, and the two assured themselves that, no matter what, they would both be all right. Those days were healing for Alex just as much as they were for her friend.

* * *

Slinging her carry on bag over her shoulder for the final time that day, the brown haired woman turned to the blonde standing next to her. Letting out a deep sigh, she embraced her friend once more, longing to take the past two weeks with her back to New York and replicate them for the rest of her life. She wiped tears from her brown eyes before offering a sad, uncertain smile to her friend.

The blonde pursed her lips before waving her friend on, "Michelle, just remember that you can write anytime."

"Trust me," Olivia whispered, "I will."

"I'll miss you," Alex stated calmly, trying to hold herself strong for Olivia.

"We'll meet again soon, Hayley, I know it," the detective answered, keeping her friend's cover. "Thank you. For everything."

Alex wiped a stray tear, "Anytime. Remember, this will all be okay, you'll be okay. You can do this."

"I can do this," the brown haired woman whispered confidently.

"Go," Alex waved once more, "You'll miss your flight!"

Nodding, Olivia gave one final grin, this time one that shown of confidence and her old stubbornness. The NYPD Detective walked quickly through the metal detector and scanned her purse and bag. She waved one final time to the blonde, who offered a quick gesture in return. Not wanting to break quite yet, Olivia quickly grabbed her belongings and walked to the terminal for the plane back to New York.

Boarding began; Olivia had an aisle seat and was next to a six year old girl. As tears flowed from the detective's brown eyes despite her greatest efforts to prevent them the girl smiled up at her, "Are you leaving someone you love?"

"I am," Olivia answered softly.

"Who was it?"

"My best friend," the brown haired woman answered, amazed at the child's innocence.

The red headed child smiled again, "I'm visiting New York with my mommy."

Olivia grinned at the big gesture to the red headed woman seated by the window. She spent her flight to New York chatting with the young girl and coloring with her. Once the plane landed, she prepared herself quickly for seeing Elliot again. She had called him asking if he would pick her up, and he had willingly agreed.

Walking off of the plane and through the terminal took a fair amount of time. Benson navigated through the crowds of people as quickly as she could maneuver. Once she was out of the terminal her eyes fell upon the dark haired man she had come to love. Despite missing Alex, she had never been happier to see Elliot's smile. Walking up to him, she felt his arms wrap around her and his lips gently grace her forehead. Olivia smiled blissfully into his chest.

Pulling back, Elliot was the first to speak, "Have I ever missed you!"

"Me too," she whispered. "But I saw an old friend, and I think things are better now."

Elliot examined her brown eyes as she spoke to him. He could finally see the old sparkle they once held – the definite glimmer of independence and strength – had returned. Grinning broadly, Elliot picked her up and spun her around once more. She laughed gently, truly pleased to be back with him.

He picked up her carry on bag and began walking toward baggage claim, tenderly pulling her hand into his and leading the way. Olivia pulled her body as close to his as she could, relishing in the comfort that her best friend in the world was still safe and alive and that the man she loved was standing by her side.

Benson knew the road was still long and winding, and she was bound to falter many times, but she would _not _fall.

* * *

A/N: That took me a while, and I don't really like it, but I wanted her to heal and get home so I could have something else important happen. I decided this will be a trilogy thing…if you're all okay with that…because where I leave this may not please many people. I am estimating that I may have 2 more chapters…which will be mostly fluff. So yeah. Review!! Please!!! I like knowing that people are reading and enjoying. Thanks again! 


	10. She's Every Woman

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way shape or form, own the characters from _Law & Order: SVU. _They are created by Dick Wolf and I will forever love him for it. I am using these characters and the basis of this television show purely for entertainment and am not making any form of profit off of the writing of this piece. (AKA: It's not mine. Don't sue. Thanks.)

**Fix You**

A/N: I know this took me forever. Last week I experienced an unexpected run in with the man who ruined _my _life, and I took a few days as mental health days and just kind of left the city and spent some time with my friend Jackson in his house in the country. We just took some time to relax…and I realized that the man who raped me _didn't _win. He didn't win because I can see him and still move along with my life. So that's where I've been, and I'm really, really sorry it took so long to get this up. But here it is.

I wanted to write…but I couldn't for a while. I couldn't bring myself to work on another person's story when I didn't have my own under control. And then my dad got sick and I had to have another ultrasound because I tend to get ovarian cysts and I can't get rid of this one, and now I'm justifying not writing to you peoples, even though you probably won't read it. Ok. Whew.

Thanks for reviewing last chapter. I'm _really _glad that pulling Alex in was reciprocated well.

_Without further ado…_

**Chapter 10: She's Every Woman**

* * *

The ride from the airport consisted mostly of small talk. Elliot took it slow, not knowing what the comfort level of the woman sitting beside him was. Yet, nothing was more reassuring than the glimmer in her brown eyes that gave him hope for her recovery. Then again, simply having the brown haired woman sitting next to him, holding his hand, and stroking his palm with her thumb ever so slightly was ample comfort in and of itself.

He pulled up outside of his apartment and pulled her bags from the trunk. Olivia slung her black carry on bag over her shoulder and followed him through the doors, a smile playing on the corner of her lips. For her, the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. She knew that there was still a journey ahead of her, but now she saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

Stabler tossed the suitcases in their bedroom, Benson allowed the carry on bag to follow suit and moved out to the couch in the living room. Collapsing into the plush material, she stared at her partner with big eyes until he smiled softly and lowered his body next to hers. Olivia fell into his chest and his arm wrapped around her torso protectively.

"I missed you," his deep voice rang out coolly.

Olivia nuzzled her head into his chest, "I missed you too, but I'm here now."

"I'm glad."

"Me too," she whispered. "What did you do over the last couple of weeks?"

A grin graced his features as he spoke, "I spent some time with the kids, put a few bad guys behind bars, and caught up on paperwork that was way too late for Cragen's liking."

Olivia chuckled quietly, "How are your little ones?"

"They're good," Elliot answered fondly. "I've missed them, lately."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing he had spent more time caring for her than worrying about his own family.

"It's not your fault," the man growled with finality to the tone. However, his voice maintained a soft and caring lace. "Did you have a good time?"

Olivia's head bobbed up and down against his chest.

"What did you do?"

"I saw a friend from college," she whispered. Part of the conditions for visiting Alex had been that she couldn't divulge who she visited or where she went to anyone. Yet, once Olivia realized Elliot was waiting for more information, she allowed her voice to fill the living room once more, "I hadn't felt _normal _in a very long time. Getting away to someplace where no one knew of my weakness was refreshing. It was nice."

Elliot nodded slowly, "It helped?"

"Very much," she whispered, kissing his cheek gracefully. Elliot gazed into her brown eyes, allowing his lips to capture hers in a tender kiss. His tongue gently ran across her lips and her mouth parted willingly, granting access for exploration. Moving slowly and comfortably, realizing it had only been about four months since the day she was attacked. Yet, as she pushed her own body closer to his and returned his motions, the comfort level increased.

He felt her pull away, both hand still on his shoulders, eyes shining with some form of comfort and joy. Elliot looked at her questioningly, silently telling her that it was all right to stop, but his mind and body praying that she would at least continue with the level of physical intimacy they had reached. Olivia grinned coyly, "I missed _that _more than anything."

"Good to know," Stabler whispered seductively. His lips again crashed into hers as one hand cupped her cheek. His eyes fluttered closed and his other hand began gently began an exploration of her curves with care. Elliot felt for moments of discomfort or fear, but was not greeted with anything that led to such a conclusion.

The persistent physical exploration continued from both members of the party until Elliot played with the hem of her shirt. She pulled back at that next step and looked him in his blue eyes. As quickly as Stabler's feeble attempts to further their contact started, they stopped one he realized that her eyes had clouded with trepidation. Until he kissed her cheek and simply embraced her tightly, whispering that it was all right her entire body had filled with terror. Yet, at his soothing, she visibly relaxed.

"We won't do anything else until you're ready," he whispered. "I promise."

He felt her nod into his shoulder as her chin rested gently upon it. Sitting together until he was positive she had fallen asleep, Elliot braced her body against his own and stood from the couch. It was nearly 11:30 at night, and both of them had to work the next day. He carried her into the bedroom and gently laid her on top of the covers. Maneuvering slowly, the dark haired man managed to pull the covers down and drape them over her small frame.

He changed into more comfortable clothing and curled in next to her, compassionately snaking his toned arms around her smaller, muscular body. Elliot felt Olivia cozy up next to his larger body and he protectively held her close.

Together, they slept until their alarm sounded the next morning. Begrudgingly, the female detective pulled her body out of bed, prepared for the day ahead, and made coffee for her and the man she loved. As he wandered out of their bedroom, she handed him a warm mug.

Smiling graciously, Elliot took a sip, "Perfect."

"Good," she answered. He looked her over, realizing for the first time how much the time away had done for her. Olivia's posture was a completely different stance – straighter, more confident – than it had been prior to leaving.

The smile that graced her tender features was warmer and more sincere. He examined her hair and realized for the first time the red highlights that subtly shone as sunlight graced it through the open window in the kitchen. They were definitely a new touch – one he liked very much.

"What are you staring at, Stabler?"

Pulled from his silent reverie, he gently placed the mug on the counter before taking a step closer and placing both hands on her waist, kissing her softly. He pulled away to see that Olivia had only stepped closer to him, fully closing the gap that had once separated their bodies.

"I was just thinking," Elliot answered, "That you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on, that I love your smile more than anything in the world, and that the red highlights were an excellent choice."

She chuckled softly, brushing his lips with hers again. Goosebumps filled his body as he thought of the possibility of having these moments with her each and every day. Olivia stepped back, placing two empty mugs in the sink to be dealt with at a later time. Elliot watched as she stepped from the kitchen and followed her to retrieve their jackets from the closet.

Benson's hand rested on the door knob, but before she opened it, her head turn and Elliot faced her brown eyes. She spoke softly and calmly, but with confidence, "Thank you for waiting and being here. I couldn't have done this without you."

"Anytime," he whispered, knowing that without Olivia his life would be meaningless. They locked eyes for a short time and communicated wordlessly – each expressing their love for the other and Elliot silently affirmed her strength. He was able to convey that she was his everything and always would be. Olivia's eyes smiled in return, telling him all he needed to know and assuring him that all would be fine.

She opened the door and he followed her to his car. He drove to the precinct in companionable silence, with her fingers laced into his and her thumb stroking his palm as it always did. Smiling to himself, Elliot realized that their lives were finally on an upswing – and was taking complete advantage of the opportunity.

Olivia grinned broadly when Cragen addressed her within seconds of entering the squad room. She dropped her contact with Elliot to move to the older, bald man and accept the hug he willingly shared. Elliot felt a wave of comfort well within him as he watched the brown haired detective accept hugs from the other members of their unit.

"Glad you're back, Olivia. We all missed you," Munch's voice softly told her as he wrapped arms around her body. Benson hugged back, allowing the grey haired man to welcome her properly.

She pulled back from him and moved to Tutuola. She fell into another embrace, burying her head into his shoulder. The brown eyed woman let out a deep breath and fought tears as Fin whispered to her, "Good to have you back, Baby. But next time, you need to talk to us before you have to resort to skipping town for two weeks. You not being here drove everyone nuts."

The female detective chuckled lightly, letting her worries and overwhelming sense of thankfulness wash away. Pulling back, she stepped closer to Elliot once more. The warmth of his body and comfort of simply knowing he was nearby eased her mind. She looked around and noted that very little had changed in her two week absence. Olivia took in a breath and glanced at her captain, "So, gentleman. What have we got today?"

Cragen nodded and smiled as she took her seat, crossing one leg over another and waited for someone to fill her in. Eventually, Elliot took over, "Two priorities today – Sequoia Tiffit. She's a seventeen year old girl, reported a rape two nights ago. She appears to be the first to get away from him-" The brown haired man's hand extended to a sketch of a white man who was laced with broad features, dark hair, and blue eyes. "-who just so happens to be our latest serial rapist. It appears he's hit three times in the last two weeks, and Sequoia makes four."

Olivia's eyes scanned the board, searching for the pattern. Four sixteen and seventeen year old females had been raped, all had offered the same description, and all were honor students. Each one of them had been abducted leaving a city library. All of them were dead, save Sequoia, and all had the date of their attack carved into their upper left thigh. The three deaths had been suffocation, the attacks were three days apart and all of the girls attended the same school – Dwight School, a private preparatory school on the Upper West Side.

As soon as she heard Elliot's voice ringing about their second priority, Benson's eyes quickly flittered back to his and she focused with all of her might. He began the explanation, "Next up are Nathaniel and Theodore Forero. Twin boys, 7 years old, abducted last week, found four days later – on Saturday. Nathaniel is in a coma, not expected to recover. Theodore was lucky. He was severely dehydrated and had been given no nutrients the entire time away from home. Both boys obviously sodomized. They were found in an alley with no signs as to who took them or where they went. Theodore won't talk to anyone, even his parents or Huang."

Olivia glanced at Elliot as his eyes lingered on her for a few moments. She raised her eyebrows, silently asking him to say what was on his mind, "I was thinking that, Liv, if you interviewed him – made him feel safe – he might open up."

"I'll give it a shot," she whispered. "Just fill me in on details prior to the interview."

Cragen nodded and thanked Elliot for briefing everyone. He glanced at Munch and Fin, "You two are still on the Tiffit case. Figure out who the hell this guy is and get him off of the streets. He'll hit again tonight if we aren't on top of this. I don't want another homicide on our hands."

"We're canvassing again," Fin muttered as he grabbed his partner and headed from the bull pen.

The captain watched the two leave and then looked to his other detectives, "Elliot, get your partner ready to interview Theodore. I've already set up a time with his mother at 1:30 this afternoon. This was personal, and I want to know what the hell happened to those two boys."

Elliot nodded as his weight was placed on the top of Olivia's desk. She rolled her eyes when his knees almost collided with her jaw and glanced up at her supervisor, "Your wish is our command."

"Don't suck up," Don lectured. "It's not very becoming of your character. Just get the kid to open up so that he and his brother can get some kind of justice."

"Count on it," Olivia answered solemnly. The effects of working sex crimes were already catching up with her mind and body, and the last thing she needed was to get too attached to another case.

Cragen returned to his office, shutting the door behind him. Elliot looked at his partner and gave her a minute to comprehend everything she had just been told. Two weeks away was a long time, and the difficulties of jumping back into the game were unavoidable. Yet, when she looked into his blue eyes, he could tell that she was ready to put someone behind bars. Olivia was ready to fight for justice again.

Elliot nodded and hopped off of her desk, sifted through the folders on his own, and pulled up the Forero file. He opened it and showed the pictures of the boys' injuries that had been taken a week prior. Slowly, they went through every detail that had already been uncovered and searched for potential leads.

They took lunch at their desks – Olivia had a salad with Italian dressing and Elliot had a turkey breast sandwich. He was pleased to see her eat nearly three-fourths of the leafy meal. By the time one o'clock rolled around, the two were out of the door, agreeing to meet their captain at the hospital.

As Olivia sat to talk to a battered boy inside of a child's playroom in the pediatric wing, she began slipping into a caring detective mode – one that allowed the boy to tell her things that he was scared to tell anyone else. Benson pulled information out of the child with ease, but allowed for him to take his time. Within an hour, she had finally managed to draw the boy out of his shell enough to talk about his attacker.

"Theodore," Benson started calmly. Her voice was laced kindness and concern, "Can you tell me who hurt you and your brother?"

The little boy shook his head, a blond bowl cut whipping about his small head and his blue eyes shutting in an attempt to void out the sound of her voice.

Olivia moved so she was kneeling next to the young child and holding his hand gently, "Honey, I know it's really hard, but if you tell me who hurt you, we can put him in jail so he won't hurt you or Nathaniel anymore."

"Call him Nate," the child whispered.

Benson nodded and muttered something almost inaudible to the child, who wrapped his arms around her neck and began crying. Olivia sat back, her own body enveloping his in a gentle embrace

"It's all right, Sweetheart," she whispered soothingly. "Tell me who hurt you, please."

The pleading Olivia continued to carry on seemed to get through to the child in some way. He pulled back from her and wiped his eyes dry, "If I tell you, he can't hurt me?"

"We'll protect you," she confirmed.

"And Nate?"

Smiling softly, Olivia nodded, "We will keep both of you safe, I promise. But you _have _to tell me, it's really important."

Theodore contemplated her words, "He said he'd kill us if we told."

"I promise that he will not be able to hurt either one of you," she whispered.

The boy narrowed his eyes before speaking, "His name was Todd and he said he was our real daddy."

Olivia looked slightly confused at the child's words. Gracefully, she prompted for more information, "Did he tell you anything else about himself?"

"He was a nice man, at first, but then he hurt Nate and made me watch. Then he hurt me. He said that it was because he loved us," the boy whispered. "He said that this was how real daddy's love their sons."

She inhaled deeply, controlling every emotion that was flooding her system. The female detective knew better than to allow her feelings to interfere with the interview. She spoke to the child again, "This is _really _important, and you're doing great. But I need to know if he told you his last name."

The boy shook his head. Olivia smiled, believing that he had given her all of the information he could. Standing from her spot on the floor, she offered her hand to Theodore, "Let's go see your mom and dad, alright?"

"Miss Olivia," he prompted. Immediately, the detective crouched next to him again and he continued talking to her, "Was that man _really _my dad?"

"No, Sweetheart," the detective whispered. "Your dad is here and waiting to see you again. He loves you very much and anything that other man said to you about your family or you and your brother wasn't the truth. None of what happened was your fault, okay?"

The boy nodded and again attached himself to Olivia's neck. Not wanting to break the connection and liking the feeling of being needed, Benson wrapped her arms around and under the body, lifting him with her as she stood up. Despite the added weight, she walked to the door and opened it, stepping out with the boy's head nuzzled against her neck and tears wetting the blue button down shirt she was wearing.

Theodore's dad stepped up to her and took his son into his own arms. She smiled and rubbed his back. The man thanked her and then Elliot and Cragen, who had been watching from a monitor that had been set up in the hall, and then left. She watched as the young child balled his fists into his father's clothing and cried the entire way down the hall. Shaking her head gently, Olivia cleared her mind of the thoughts that were racing through it. Elliot placed a warm hand on her shoulder, soothing the pain coursing through her veins, "Good work."

Olivia nodded her gratitude and glanced at her captain, "Is it possible there's an adoption we don't know about? Or maybe an adulterous relationship that the mother refused to reveal? This was personal, Cap, and I want to know why we weren't told about it."

"The birth certificate for both boys' states Mr. and Mrs. Forero as the biological parents, but perhaps there was another man in the picture," Cragen replied.

The female pursed her lips and crossed her hands over her chest, "I want to speak with her. I want to know if this man had standing to think that these children were truly his."

Cragen nodded as Elliot voiced a concurring opinion. Glancing at his watch, Cragen ruled that it was too late to bother a family whose son was lying in a hospital in a coma, but promised Olivia that first thing the next morning she could interview the woman.

Succumbing to her fatigue and superior's judgment, she grabbed Elliot's hand and suggested they go out for dinner. Stabler agreed willingly and invited their captain along, but he politely declined.

Walking to their vehicle, Olivia wrapped her coat around her small body and pressed herself as close to the other detective as she could. Elliot wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders. As they sat in the vehicle and pulled into traffic, Olivia once again grabbed his hand. It was a gesture that comforted both of them.

Elliot was the first to break the silence as he drove to their favorite Italian restaurant, "Are you okay?"

"You never get used to it," she whispered. "The children who don't deserve to have the horrors of this world thrown on them have to face it anyway, and you never get used to it."

"I know you don't," he answered, not knowing what else to say.

Olivia shrugged, "But I come back and do it anyway. Why? Because someone has to." Elliot sat in silence, waiting for her to continue, sensing that there was more. Once she was ready, Benson's voice filled the vehicle again, "And as much as it hurts, as hard as it is, I love it. I love it because I can fight for justice. I can be strong for them even if I wasn't strong enough to stop it myself."

Stabler squeezed her hand gently and parked the car. Before leaving the vehicle, he delicately placed a hand under her chin and turned her face to meet eye-to-eye with his. After gracing her lips with his for a few seconds and warming her body with the simple contact from his, he spoke to her with compassion and love in his voice, "You are the strongest person I know, and I will always be proud of you for fighting back like you did. Promise me you'll remember that."

Olivia nodded, her brown eyes conveying gratitude that could only be perceived by him. Kissing her one more time, he opened the door to the car and quickly moved to the other side, opening her door and offering a hand, "Now, my Lady, would you join me for supper?"

Smiling sweetly, Benson accepted the hand that had been offered and pulled her own body from the vehicle, "I would love to, Handsome."

* * *

A/N: Not much happened. I know. But I kind of liked it and I needed to get something out….and I wanted a little bit of EO time – I wanted him to affirm his love for her. So there ya go. PLEASE review so that I have some motivation to continue! Thanks 


End file.
